Faith 2014

So it was simple really   Stayed on plan.. ( like always) limited allowable extras .. Alternated higher carb days with lower ones.. Drank my water and found extra ways to get more in.. Lost a solid pound .. 157 .. 48.8 pounds have left this body.. Solidly... Now it's time for 25 more to leave and not return as well.. 

It has been a long road since that June day when I decided that after our vacation I would start to attempt to change my life on July 8..

Time is going to pass no matter if you stay the same or make changes in your life..

It is so easy to let that time pass..but when you finally decide to work to release a burden be it weight or whatever .. There is a sense of pride in yourself.. Of remembering that no matter what your age you can do or be or change what you want. 

Faith is that same belief in yourself that you can achieve things ..

Strength is going forward each day and handling any obstacle that comes your way.. Be it the well meaning friend or family member who tells you not to lose anymore weight..or giving you baked goods for the holidays ..Strength is saying thank you and doing what needs to be done in your life..strength is also passing those baked goods on to others that can eat that.. For knowing your weaknesses and removing anything that encourages those weaknesses is a tool in creating that strength..

I am so glad I gave myself this chance .. 

I hope that with faith and strength in yourself you will discover you still

Have the power to change ..

Happy 2014 may it be a year of Good health and Positive change for you!!! 

UP 2

Wow did so not want to see that.. Never had a weight gain like that.. So I look at my week.. 

Pain has been through the roof this week

Felt very tight the last couple days

Slept unusually crappy this week..

Drank more crystal light than plain water

Skipped a mf meal last night

Have not gone to the bathroom well in about 2 days

2 stupid pounds and prayed to make my goal this week .. 50 pound loss.. On well 2 pounds away from it.. Will get there soon.. Just wish I had had something really sinful to cause this gain at least then I would know what went wrong.. Sigh.. On we go..

2014

Overall I feel good...
So what I am about to  write may seem totally contradictory to the above statement..

I am proud that I have lost ( god willing forever)  49.8 pounds....
I am glad my internal organs are in better shape now..
I am glad that I am creating less havoc on my joints and  bones.
I know overall what I have done for my body is a good thing..
I am looking forward to the other 24 pounds leaving my body... forever..

However.... the one thing that has not changed:

My every day .. has pain in it... that has not reduced or gone away and sometimes its even worse than before...
I have weird skin issues that I am just throwing in the fibro file...  rough itchy skin patches...
 The hand pain is ridiculous.. sometimes its not terrible other times... just overwhelming..( am seeing my doctor for my fibro check on Monday .. will review some of these issues... he is over the moon about the weight loss.. last check with him I was down 30 pounds.. lost nearly 20 more since.... ) .
my shoulders and shoulder blades ache... my spine  is nothing but tender points...
my legs and feet  feel bruised.... 
Oddly though I can run... for a short spell..
The ankle pain now flairs if my foot is in a weird position... the side foot pain sometimes feels as if I have a broken bone in my foot..  I am guessing its all random nerve pain..

2014 is going to be the year of finding answers for this pain.. and developing better pain management .. I am hoping for a drugless solution...

Things that have helped me in the short term  get some pain relief

Indian food.... curry and spices .. at a certain heat level ( almost too much to tolerate) seems to block the pain signals for a while.. about 4 hours...

this might shock you when I say this.

 Pot..    no side effects... for me I had no hunger issues...  tried it 3 times..  all with the exact same results...    not fond of smoking it ... and I have never ingested it. so I am not sure how it would work... gotten about 5-6 hours analgesic relief...  mostly in spine.. sadly illegal here...no increase in appetite .

Massage...   interruption of pain signals  only last duration of massage ... but does increase ability to relax..

1/2 a adivan   ( drug I know and prefer not to go this route) ... increases ability to relax that's about all..   no terrible hangover issues... as with most medications.

Still battling the vertigo and need to go to ENT and have the dreaded air test and a hearing test to see where I am ... sometimes the positioning  exercises help .. sometimes not.

So .. I am and will be on a hunt to help me mange these issues... as I adjust to my new body..

 The kicker of it all... well.. here is the best example... today I looked in the mirror and saw all 205.8 pounds of me... instead of  the real me... 156 pounds of me... I do not see the weight loss... I know what my new clothes say.... "hey dummy wear me"  I know I wear a 12/ 10 normal size....  I know I do not wear plus size clothes anymore.... but..... but... I do not see it... my mind see's the  big me .. not the new me in the mirror...  yet I can feel my bones that I never knew existed...   The mind is such a odd creation... it only see's the old me.... and does not want to see where I have arrived... maybe one day..

Well...  on   I go... face forward... and towards  more success..

A LEAP

-3.8 this week

49.8 in all 

24 left to conquer  Hoping to  say I conquered 50 by next week - 

What 50 pounds looks like..  Been a while since I have done comparatives !! 

Visuals are so important !!  

 Keep on your path whatever it maybe .. 

RUN and a RAMBLE

WHAT A Miserable  weather week...  Rain... rain.. ohhh and rain... OHHHHH and lets not forget rain...
So we went to see this wonderful Movie called WHY WE RIDE..  LOVED IT!   AS we were leaving the movie.. it was pouring out... no umbrella of course .... Steve and I were holding hands.. and  we started walking a little faster ... and a little bit more faster.... there was no dodging the raindrops so it was either run or get even more soaked... In my old life.. Running was laughable.. in OUR  new life.. Running.. was shockingly doable.. for both of us.. the speed picked up.. and now we were running to the car.. RUNNING... it was amazing... and invigorating... and ... well even freeing.. We got in our car.. both of us wet.. and I looked at Steve and smiled and said.. we just ran to the car together... and as innocuous as that might sound... it was something that was so easy  and natural to do... my ankles were like WTF are you doing but even they did not falter... my knees did not  creak in pain... nothing.. just a short wet run to the car.. something so simple yet so amazing...  I had no idea my body remembered how to even do that...

I weighed today... thinking that there might be a gain but I stayed the same.. which was great..I survived  2 parties and 2 out to eat events... this week we have 2  more out to eat events.. but I am prepared and confident in those too.. Planning is everything  always!...

I am a food stalker.. please take no offense  but I watch you as you eat.. I watch how you eat, how much you eat.. and how fast you eat...  it teaches me that it can be done.. eating normal and healthy portions of food... with some indulgences here and there...   I am a really good food stalker too .. because with out admitting it here in writing you would never know I study you.. unless I confess to it...   my biggest thing is learning how to eat slow... I am married to a Northern boy and he does not come by slow eating naturally... and I find myself a lot of times eating way too fast... That is an issue I am trying to tackle now...


Cookies we bake ~

FIRING OFF ON FOCUS

Any event that is not part of our routines can totally cause a misfire of focus..

What I am saying is.. any trauma, any event, ANYTHING good bad or indifferent ... these things are always coming our way... sometimes they side swipe us right into a state of disaster, sometimes they just bump us off our path a little.. and sometimes we override them... I think that's the hardest to do... We forget our focus .. and our focus is ourselves for now... focusing on good health, good nutrition .. and a peaceful or as peaceful as possible environment..

Lets talk Holidays.... BAM they are here in full force..

I hear the combination of voices... OHHHH its a party season... OHHHH man I know I will gain   through December... So many parties.. so many treats... and I am not going to deny myself not one little bit.. okay I say... but are you ready to accept the consequences good or bad that go with your decisions???  that's what you have to resolve in yourself.... If you choose to eat freely  and really throw caution to the wind ... then do not  berate yourself later for your choices... just move on.. and do the best you can...

For me it is about Focus and planning :

So I know we have a party this weekend... On the positive it is at our house... on the negative it involves chili and calico beans.. and I love calico beans... So.. I know that I will have a small taste of my husbands chili and friends calico beans... other wise its  celery,  a little bit of cheese.. diet pop, water,  and medifast/TSFL treats for me... I am carefully planning for Saturday.. I also have an event Sunday.. I know where we are going and I know its a "safe place" with healthy choices..

Tomorrow night we are going out to dinner with a friend... hopefully we will go to  "my safe place" and I can order accordingly for my lean and green... 

Friday afternoon  we have another party...  I am bringing a TSFL/medifast  bar and I should be fine.. so I am not worried  about that either...

Am I going to miss the little treats ... hmmm yeah some things.. but what has really become a big deterrent for me is the thought of getting sick from  making the wrong choices... It would be awful to be at a party and have to run to the bathroom because you ate wrong... so to me that kinda is a reign in ...
 
I keep wanting to say I have had this grand epiphany of sorts and say OHHHH I will never touch that again.. or I won't do this again..or eat that or whatever.. but for me there  has been no Great Moment like that...  it is just what I choose to put in my body at the time... 

For me it is important to hold my focus... This time of year.. or that time of year.. and I wish everyone well on however they choose to eat.... willing to accept  all consequences good or bad  along the way...

Lost  a quarter of a pound this week for a round 46 grand total...