2014

Overall I feel good...
So what I am about to  write may seem totally contradictory to the above statement..

I am proud that I have lost ( god willing forever)  49.8 pounds....
I am glad my internal organs are in better shape now..
I am glad that I am creating less havoc on my joints and  bones.
I know overall what I have done for my body is a good thing..
I am looking forward to the other 24 pounds leaving my body... forever..

However.... the one thing that has not changed:

My every day .. has pain in it... that has not reduced or gone away and sometimes its even worse than before...
I have weird skin issues that I am just throwing in the fibro file...  rough itchy skin patches...
 The hand pain is ridiculous.. sometimes its not terrible other times... just overwhelming..( am seeing my doctor for my fibro check on Monday .. will review some of these issues... he is over the moon about the weight loss.. last check with him I was down 30 pounds.. lost nearly 20 more since.... ) .
my shoulders and shoulder blades ache... my spine  is nothing but tender points...
my legs and feet  feel bruised.... 
Oddly though I can run... for a short spell..
The ankle pain now flairs if my foot is in a weird position... the side foot pain sometimes feels as if I have a broken bone in my foot..  I am guessing its all random nerve pain..

2014 is going to be the year of finding answers for this pain.. and developing better pain management .. I am hoping for a drugless solution...

Things that have helped me in the short term  get some pain relief

Indian food.... curry and spices .. at a certain heat level ( almost too much to tolerate) seems to block the pain signals for a while.. about 4 hours...

this might shock you when I say this.

 Pot..    no side effects... for me I had no hunger issues...  tried it 3 times..  all with the exact same results...    not fond of smoking it ... and I have never ingested it. so I am not sure how it would work... gotten about 5-6 hours analgesic relief...  mostly in spine.. sadly illegal here...no increase in appetite .

Massage...   interruption of pain signals  only last duration of massage ... but does increase ability to relax..

1/2 a adivan   ( drug I know and prefer not to go this route) ... increases ability to relax that's about all..   no terrible hangover issues... as with most medications.

Still battling the vertigo and need to go to ENT and have the dreaded air test and a hearing test to see where I am ... sometimes the positioning  exercises help .. sometimes not.

So .. I am and will be on a hunt to help me mange these issues... as I adjust to my new body..

 The kicker of it all... well.. here is the best example... today I looked in the mirror and saw all 205.8 pounds of me... instead of  the real me... 156 pounds of me... I do not see the weight loss... I know what my new clothes say.... "hey dummy wear me"  I know I wear a 12/ 10 normal size....  I know I do not wear plus size clothes anymore.... but..... but... I do not see it... my mind see's the  big me .. not the new me in the mirror...  yet I can feel my bones that I never knew existed...   The mind is such a odd creation... it only see's the old me.... and does not want to see where I have arrived... maybe one day..

Well...  on   I go... face forward... and towards  more success..