I WAS MORBIDLY OBESE

IN A WORLD OF PERFECTION....
I always stood out..  ...
 I stood out not for beauty's sake.. 
 I stood about because I was large..
big...
round..
hunky...
 huge...
fat... 
a big girl....
husky ...
rotund...
 fleshy...
and so forth.. 


 I always hated flying or sitting next to people I did not know... you know.. my fat ass falling into a side of their seat... being squished next to someone who I did not know.. or being squished next to someone I did know..it was always embarrassing to me... I always dreaded seatbelts on the airplane too.. would it fit.. and I would never ask for a seatbelt extender I would just hold myself in and try not to touch to the best of my ability the person sitting next to me on a flight... lets face that... that was impossible.. especially if the person next to me was big too...  I was always worried about my spillage into the seat next to me...
At Parties or Events...
I always looked around .. when I entered a room or went somewhere to see if I was the largest person there... and in many cases I was ... 


WAS...


I was...  told things.. I was told in no uncertain terms by a doctor  that I was definitely going to get diabetes ..  ( how in the hell did he know that...  ohhhh statistically he knew that... and he applied his random knowledge that earned him his degree in Orthopedic Medicine that I was going to be a Diabetic because I was fat...   (IDIOT!)  


No one knows... what will happen to you.. but when you are Morbidly Obese you set yourself  on a path of the higher risks  of things not going well for you...


Morbidly Obese...


I was Morbidly Obese...  


In the study of Morbid Obesity here is what I possibly had to look forward to at that size.. this is a general overview:

Health Risks

The following health problems are associated with morbid obesity:

High Blood Pressure

Persistently elevated blood pressure, or hypertension, is much more common in people who are obese. Hypertension can lead to the development of heart disease, kidney disease, stroke, and arterial blockage.

Heart Disease

Heart disease, including heart attack and congestive heart failure, is six times more likely in obese persons. In fact, severely obese persons have 40 times the risk of dying suddenly from a heart attack, as compared to the non-obese.

High Cholesterol Levels

Obesity contributes to high blood cholesterol levels and thus to a higher incidence of heart disease and high blood pressure.

Diabetes

Diabetes mellitus, specifically adult-onset or type II diabetes, is ten times more common in people who are obese. Persistently elevated blood sugar causes tissue damage throughout the body, leading to kidney failure, blindness, heart attack, stroke, and arterial blockage in the legs which can result in amputation.

Respiratory Problems

People who are overweight often feel "winded" after slight physical exertion and need to stop and catch their breath. This is caused by a heavier-than-normal chest wall, which makes full expansion of the lungs more difficult. Any activity that requires a greater demand for oxygen will result in shortness of breath. Exercise or even daily activities, such as climbing stairs, housework, or running to catch a train, become difficult to perform.
The major breathing problems caused by severe obesity are sleep apnea syndrome and obesity hypoventilation syndrome. Sleep apnea is when a person stops breathing temporarily during sleep. In an overweight person, this is caused by fat compressing the neck and blocking the windpipe, which causes loud snoring and periods of "not breathing". This results in poor quality and restless sleep due to the lack of oxygen and, subsequently, to daytime drowsiness. Most people are unaware that they have this problem, but the health effects can be devastating, including heart rhythm disturbances and even sudden death.

Gastroesophageal Reflux

Acid reflux, or heartburn, is common in obese persons for several reasons. Acid in the stomach is normally prevented from going back up the esophagus, or swallowing tube, by a valve. The valve can be overcome by increased pressure in the stomach, the result of consuming a large meal. A heavy belly only aggravates this condition. Consequently, food and acid can wash back up into the esophagus, causing a burning sensation. In severe cases, the food and acid can reach all the way up into the wind-pipe (trachea) and be inhaled, which can result in severe pneumonia or lung injury.

Urinary Stress Incontinence

Many obese women experience urinary stress incontinence. This typically can occur when the bladder valve is overcome by the pressure of a heavy belly pressing against the bladder, combined with increased pressure from a cough, sneeze or laugh.

Degenerative Arthritis

Obesity can accelerate wear and tear of the lower back and weight-bearing joints (hips, knees, ankles, feet), leading to degenerative arthritis. Arthritis in the lower back can lead to nerve compression and chronic pain. Arthritis in the joints can cause problems with walking, and may eventually require joint replacement surgery. However, many orthopedic surgeons refuse to perform surgery in severely overweight patients, until they lose much of their weight.

Venous Stasis Disease/Ulcers

The veins of the legs can carry blood back to the heart against gravity because they have one-way valves. These valves are more likely to breakdown as resistance against the blood increases, which is what happens as the abdomen grows heavier and heavier. When the valves fail, the legs become swollen and discolored and may even develop ulcers. Venous disease can be debilitating and rarely improves without weight loss.

Cancer

Studies have shown that overweight women have a higher risk of cancer of the breast, uterus, and ovaries. Obese men have a higher risk of having esophageal, colon and prostate cancer.

Skin Infections

Many overweight persons have skin that folds over on itself. The areas within the creases can become irritated from sweating and chafing, often leading to infections despite frequent bathing, and causes pain and discomfort. Skin cuts created from bra straps can also cause pain and become infected.

Infertility

The excess fat in women plays a significant role in changing the levels of estrogen and progesterone, resulting in irregular menstrual cycles and infertility. This can be reversed once weight loss



By the BMI charts.. according to my height.. I am OBESE  now...  leaning toward  OVER WEIGHT . almost there... My goal weight 132 pounds.. at 4ft 11 inches tall and a medium bone structure... still puts me in the Overweight category ... ..However if we go back and look at what I weighed when I started... I was 205.8 pounds... at 4ft 11 inches tall... I have lost 54.8 pounds now... 


( MY FITNESS PAL APP likes to tell me I have hit the 55 pound mark.. but not quiet yet... )


So comparatively speaking.. the BMI charts  say 99-119  and I'm goal setting  132~  FRANKLY
I really do not give a flying fuck about the BMI scale......  because I believe I can get to that weight  132  and stay with in 5 pounds of that goal.. ... I certainly do not see my 51 year old self weighing between 99-119 pounds as the BMI chart says would be NORMAL weight for me.. I am okay with it though... so is my doctor...so is my dietician .... its a realistic weight... in a  world of unrealistic expectations..


I realize also that my chance of staying at or near my goal weight according to statistics is between slim and none...


I also know myself well enough to know... I have always marched to the sound of a different drum  and never .. fallen into just simply a statistic...


I believe at any age it is always important to strive to be the best self you can be.... both physically healthy and  emotionally healthy... its a never ending process ....


 I hate seeing a lot of people who hit their 50s... just stop...  they become stuck in a certain rut and do not believe they can change anything... or maybe they really do not care... they focus on other things... and that's fine...


 I became fascinated with :  FAT ACCEPTANCE WEBSITES AND GROUPS...


I think about my friends who for medical reasons deal with obesity .. and struggle to stay healthy... those folks... I pray for... because they have a far harder experience than I do...


The folks who have tried a billion programs .. and never stuck with them.. and gained their weight back because they did nothing to change their habits... and then one day they just decided.. okay.. No more trying.. I am what I am .. and I will make the best of it....
On the one hand I admire that attitude..  but on the other hand.. when I look at the health risks of staying  where they are ... its frightening...  to be that ticking time bomb...


I have many friends who fall into the morbidly obese range but eat fairly healthy... and do their best to exercise...   THEY TRY...trying is good.. They are not stagnant ... 

I think about those who would rather give in then push out... 

I wonder if those that are complacent about it. ..their morbid obesity..if deep down they want to change... 

I also have read a lot about WLS and the one thing that grabs my attention is that many of these people consider the surgery their "fix" ..they make no changes other than the allowable quantity of food... They make no effort.. 

I greatly admire those that do though.. Those that follow a nutritional based program ..those who are rebuilding themselves from the inside out...

I greatly admire those who have found the fortitude to do it all themselves and now motivate folks like me..who are on their own journeys to a better life... 

It is my hope that one day I can pay it forward by motivating others to find their path... 

 For me.. .I   see  myself and my journey a lot like this article talks about from the Huffington Post..


please click and read ..FAT ACCEPTANCE   


I say this often and I say it loud... Live your life your way...YOUR AGE DOES NOT MATTER....    If you want to change.. anything in your life... begin now... It can be done... You can find what works for you to enhance your world...