There is so much I want.... I want a healthier body and a stronger body.... I need that...
I have worked hard over the past year to get stronger TO LOSE OVER 40 POUNDS.. I know it had been over 50.. shit happens... no other excuse...
I have run into the proverbial brick WALL ... MYSELF... I have not given up.... I won't ever do that... but like all people I too slip... I slip on that slope .. of WHY CAN'T I .... and I WANT .... sometimes I simply do not want to feel trapped by what I eat.. I don't want to log it.. I don't want to keep track of it.. and I don't want to have to think about it... but the reality .. is that... I have to... I WILL ALWAYS HAVE TO... I just did not get the gene that some people get that allows them a love affair with food with no consequence.. or at least no caring ... I did not get the gene that would make me 6+ feet either... standing only 4 ft 11 inches tall... I have to be careful...
I have to know when to let the donut go and let the apple win.... I have to realize that the natural is far better than the processed.. Number 1 .. I am satisfied... and full.. and comfortable... I have given my body proper fuel... and quieted the growl in my belly... if I had eaten the donut.. I would have eaten it too fast ... too fast to taste it.. or enjoy it... the sugars would break down in my body ... the fat would get stored in my body... and all I would have left is the gummy after taste of defeat.. and disappointment in myself...
A donut is simply not a donut.... its A STEP IN THE WRONG DIRECTION... it won't do anything for me... but the APPLE fills a need... it satisfies a sweet craving... its crunchy and takes time to savor ... and it fills me up.. the Donut would not have done any of that... but is it really wrong to have donut????... no... not if it is really what YOU want... but the fact is.. it can never be what I need.
NUTURE... SATISFACTION... GOOD FUEL... THAT IS WHAT I NEED..
I am far from perfect.. yesterday we shared some Indian food Chicken Biryani .. one of my favorite dishes.. loaded with basmati rice ( carbs) chunks of chicken .. intoxicating spices... and delightful... I justified that by making it my main meal of the day... I still over indulged... but at least it stayed with me the better part of the day...
Every day I have to think WANT VS NEED.. THE DONUT VS THE APPLE.. I have to think this way... there is no escape...
I admire people that get healthy , keep their weight off.. and are absolutely barbaric about their exercise and staying thin... I think that's amazing... ... I am not one of those.. I have had to learn... I have to battle my own way .. in my own time.. with my own tools...
I have had people say to me .. be careful ... you don't want to gain your weight back..... really??? ya think????
Or how is your eating going.... are you suppose to be eating that??... or how is the weight loss going??/ are you staying on your program... ??/ now I realize there is no ill intent in asking me these questions.. but sometimes .. if I have not done the right thing or made the best choice... I feel like a child that's been caught doing something naughty when I hear these remarks... .. I feel trapped... and a deep need to want to not only escape the conversation but escape the situation as well.. Perhaps a lot of it is my doing by sharing this experience publically ... because I wanted the accountability and I was hoping to maybe just help one person like me .. along the way.... .. but I also don't want to feel like a scolded child... or feel like I have been caught with my hand in the proverbial cookie jar... I think it is why A lot of weight loss bloggers disappear when they hit a hard point.. they get embarrassed .. and are no longer sure what to say ...
I have always said this is my war... my fight.. and with all the love and support I receive I will keep conquering the mountains.. and enjoying the valleys... it is simply accepting that this is for life and that there is no end .. that kinda gets me shaky from time to time...
THE DONUT .. VS THE APPLE...
THE APPLE RULES...
No comments:
Post a Comment