The strange thing for me is realizing I do not binge anymore ..
When I was growing up food was my best friend.. Most kids did not like me much..yeah I was " that kid" ... The one who looked different...was not pretty enough... Thin enough..right enough...but with food.....well it never turned away from me.. It did not care what I weighed... How I dressed or what I said...no matter what ... I found a way to hoard it..hide it and gorge until my belly hurt and I swore up and down to God I would never do that again...but the lure of easy food... Sweetened cereals...snack cakes whatever ..anything.... I could get I took...and for just a ...few minutes I was not anxious .... I was not scared... I was not alone... I was not ugly....
My binging stopped in my late 20s..l still had minor food issues. Like buying extras of things I enjoyed for fear I would not find it again..but I did not binge I just made poor choices...there were diets ..with no final ending... There were bribes...from my folks... Lose 40 pounds and we will get you a nose job... 50 pounds and a breast reduction...nothing stuck because I never learned......at my largest 211 ( I am 4 ft. 11 inches tall) in 2007 right before my wedding..
I lost 25 pounds ..
The weight came back ..
Even my mothers words in 2008 right before her 2nd open heart surgery ...Please take care of your heart...she died 30 minutes later on the operating table.....
Nothing..reached me..not even my husband begging.....
Back up to 205.8 .....
Nothing motivated me to get a real grip....
Until....One night I was chatting on FB about how I felt with a friend...she suggested TSFL... Very off handed very lightly..she was doing it and was successful ..and her coach was a mutual friend...
I really don't know why I jumped.. I really don't know what clicked ...it was perhaps just a matter of do this or die....
July 8 th was my start date ...here I am roughly 6/7 months later.. 51.4 pounds healthier with 22-25 to go....
I have worked tirelessly on myself...and am learning that food is ONLY my friend in the sense it makes me healthier and gives me energy to function...eating every 2-3 hours has been such a great tool for me...
Learning what true hunger is vs.just maybe being thirsty...
Learning I am free of a burden and accepting I am an ever changing work in progress ...
well... It is nice to be free.. And I love the tools that I find ..to keep me strong and healthy and reaching for even better health...
most importantly I love the sense of community and compassion I have discovered during this greatest adventure thus far in my life
... May we all be strong and garner strength and wisdom from each other to be the best version of ourselves we can be...
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