Tuesday, October 7, 2014

THE VOICES IN OUR HEAD

 YOU KNOW THEM.... WE ALL HAVE THEM..  the one that tells us how imperfect we are... the one that criticizes us worse than anyone else could ever do...  the one that says we are not worthy or worthwhile...  the one voice we should ban from existence.... hangs out in the recesses of our minds.. always... Some of us are good at keeping it locked down... Some do battle with it constantly.. to the point of being overwhelmed..

 I am not talking schizophrenia  type voices.. I am talking the voices.. of the past.. the voices of the present that stay with us... telling us.. how  we behaved.. or what we did... or did not do... or should have done at the time..  

It is hard to filter out the negative voices.. even more so if someone has a penchant for pointing out our every fault and weakness... for making us feel "less than".. as opposed to "more than".. Their dialogue can often times become our dialogue.. the silent one.. that sits in our head.... and screams the obscenities that we have heard about ourselves.. the not good...  the deep and dark... 

So how do you go about getting past that... How do you  put those voices.. the very negative ones.. out of business???    well.. I am still working on that..   I do not hear them as often... and that comes with it's own set of consequences... because I am not whipping and beating myself with the proverbial whip of the weight loss task master... and  denying myself everything I have gained some of my weight back... I am working on finding the happy medium.. where I understand moderation and portion control... and understand fully that a holiday is a good thing to be enjoyed.. but a holiday is a day... not 2 days.. not 12 days .. not months or years.... just a treat.. and then its gone...

Eating healthy  is a choice...  eating not so healthy is a choice... 
 sometimes its a matter of which voice wins...  
 Sometimes its simply a matter of habit and craving...
 I love those habit and craving days... where I eat healthy .. and drink lots of water.. and know I am doing good for me....

I also am learning not to fear... a day when I might have a piece of birthday cake.. or have an indulgent meal.. it really takes a way from a celebration when those voices.. tell me how terrible I am and what a failure I am .   The truth is .. I am human.. we are all are just that... HUMAN... 
My doctor  ( obgyn) last week said.. that he is of the belief .. everything in moderation.. with a holiday here or there.... just not a holiday every day ...   I liked that.. he also believes in tracking your food with an app ... such as Myfitnesspal.  he said it just lets you know what you are doing... which is a good thing...  He also had recently attended an obesity symposium .. and they discussed how a person... drops a great amount of weight.. like me... over 50 pounds in a short amount of time and then goes off their program.. ( like me ) .. gains a bit back ( like me) .. maintains that weight ( like me) .. and does one of two things.. starts dropping again  ( I am trying) .. or starts gaining ( God forbid) ..  hence why the apps are good for people like me to track what is going in .. I like the fact that my doctor gets out there... and keeps up  to date on obesity issues even though that's not his primary field of interest.

I started really thinking about things.. and about those voices we use to rate our self worth.. I started thinking about the  internal struggles we create instead of simply living.. .and living with in moderation.. moderation means portion control.. it means .. living life .. enjoying things.. indulging every so often and not always feeling like a failure.. it means challenging ourselves to be healthy... and make better choices the majority of the time.

 A friend of mine pointed out something to me recently .. she said.. when she loses a lot of weight people are so excited for her.. and compliment her... but if she gains some back.. people just stare at her... ( I can relate to that) ... they don't say anything... I guess because they are not sure what to say.. lets face it.. this journey we are on.. is for keeps.. its a life time adventure... if we slide back a little after a lot of success I guess folks either shake their heads and say " that figures"  or " I knew they would not stick with it"  they forget the facet of being human.... which simply entails.. we have our good days and our not so good days.. the object of which is to have far more good days.. ...

 I think we also get caught in diet brain.. you know..where you say I am going on a diet ( me)  .. then you are religious to that program.. and  it is like the end of the world should you  go off of said program. ( me) .  after all you are focused and want to get those pounds off..   and then .. the usual happens.. diet brain .. decides to leave.. and you get back in your old mode of life...  I wonder if we eliminated diet brain and just adopted in moderation brain..( I think it would)  would things be better ??.. for us..  .. still working  on that one.. its hard to change 52 years of thought..  ( technically 41 years of thought as I was 10 when I went on my first "diet" )
 
I think "in moderation" brain  would help the voices.. be quiet.. because the guilt associated with the action would evaporate...  hmm something to think about I guess..

There are those with those 'voices" that have a far deeper struggle... voices that tell them when and how to do things.. voices that give that direction in specifically what order things must be done.. I am talking about the OCD mind...  those voices are far more difficult to remedy than  the voices I am talking about  in my world..  Our voices are just remnants  of bad choices.. and they can be controlled when the right choices are in place... ours are mostly habit oriented and confidence oriented... The OCD struggle is far deeper and complicated.. I know... I have seen the fall out from someone fighting that extremely unfair battle...   makes my inner voices pale in comparison.. 

So what is the take away from all I have said..???

Patience... choices...  ignoring the negative.. moderation..  a positive out look.. even when that seems impossible to do..  

We are all fighters in our own private battles..    and the only way we are failures... is if we quit standing back up and trying...

Have a great week !