Monday, December 30, 2013

Faith 2014

So it was simple really   Stayed on plan.. ( like always) limited allowable extras .. Alternated higher carb days with lower ones.. Drank my water and found extra ways to get more in.. Lost a solid pound .. 157 .. 48.8 pounds have left this body.. Solidly... Now it's time for 25 more to leave and not return as well.. 

It has been a long road since that June day when I decided that after our vacation I would start to attempt to change my life on July 8..
Time is going to pass no matter if you stay the same or make changes in your life..
It is so easy to let that time pass..but when you finally decide to work to release a burden be it weight or whatever .. There is a sense of pride in yourself.. Of remembering that no matter what your age you can do or be or change what you want. 
Faith is that same belief in yourself that you can achieve things ..
Strength is going forward each day and handling any obstacle that comes your way.. Be it the well meaning friend or family member who tells you not to lose anymore weight..or giving you baked goods for the holidays ..Strength is saying thank you and doing what needs to be done in your life..strength is also passing those baked goods on to others that can eat that.. For knowing your weaknesses and removing anything that encourages those weaknesses is a tool in creating that strength..
I am so glad I gave myself this chance .. 
I hope that with faith and strength in yourself you will discover you still
Have the power to change ..
Happy 2014 may it be a year of Good health and Positive change for you!!! 

Monday, December 23, 2013

UP 2

Wow did so not want to see that.. Never had a weight gain like that.. So I look at my week.. 
Pain has been through the roof this week
Felt very tight the last couple days
Slept unusually crappy this week..
Drank more crystal light than plain water
Skipped a mf meal last night
Have not gone to the bathroom well in about 2 days
2 stupid pounds and prayed to make my goal this week .. 50 pound loss.. On well 2 pounds away from it.. Will get there soon.. Just wish I had had something really sinful to cause this gain at least then I would know what went wrong.. Sigh.. On we go..

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

2014

Overall I feel good...
So what I am about to  write may seem totally contradictory to the above statement..

I am proud that I have lost ( god willing forever)  49.8 pounds....
I am glad my internal organs are in better shape now..
I am glad that I am creating less havoc on my joints and  bones.
I know overall what I have done for my body is a good thing..
I am looking forward to the other 24 pounds leaving my body... forever..

However.... the one thing that has not changed:

My every day .. has pain in it... that has not reduced or gone away and sometimes its even worse than before...
I have weird skin issues that I am just throwing in the fibro file...  rough itchy skin patches...
 The hand pain is ridiculous.. sometimes its not terrible other times... just overwhelming..( am seeing my doctor for my fibro check on Monday .. will review some of these issues... he is over the moon about the weight loss.. last check with him I was down 30 pounds.. lost nearly 20 more since.... ) .
my shoulders and shoulder blades ache... my spine  is nothing but tender points...
my legs and feet  feel bruised.... 
Oddly though I can run... for a short spell..
The ankle pain now flairs if my foot is in a weird position... the side foot pain sometimes feels as if I have a broken bone in my foot..  I am guessing its all random nerve pain..

2014 is going to be the year of finding answers for this pain.. and developing better pain management .. I am hoping for a drugless solution...

Things that have helped me in the short term  get some pain relief

Indian food.... curry and spices .. at a certain heat level ( almost too much to tolerate) seems to block the pain signals for a while.. about 4 hours...

this might shock you when I say this.

 Pot..    no side effects... for me I had no hunger issues...  tried it 3 times..  all with the exact same results...    not fond of smoking it ... and I have never ingested it. so I am not sure how it would work... gotten about 5-6 hours analgesic relief...  mostly in spine.. sadly illegal here...no increase in appetite .

Massage...   interruption of pain signals  only last duration of massage ... but does increase ability to relax..

1/2 a adivan   ( drug I know and prefer not to go this route) ... increases ability to relax that's about all..   no terrible hangover issues... as with most medications.

Still battling the vertigo and need to go to ENT and have the dreaded air test and a hearing test to see where I am ... sometimes the positioning  exercises help .. sometimes not.

So .. I am and will be on a hunt to help me mange these issues... as I adjust to my new body..

 The kicker of it all... well.. here is the best example... today I looked in the mirror and saw all 205.8 pounds of me... instead of  the real me... 156 pounds of me... I do not see the weight loss... I know what my new clothes say.... "hey dummy wear me"  I know I wear a 12/ 10 normal size....  I know I do not wear plus size clothes anymore.... but..... but... I do not see it... my mind see's the  big me .. not the new me in the mirror...  yet I can feel my bones that I never knew existed...   The mind is such a odd creation... it only see's the old me.... and does not want to see where I have arrived... maybe one day..

Well...  on   I go... face forward... and towards  more success..

Monday, December 16, 2013

A LEAP



-3.8 this week
49.8 in all 
24 left to conquer  Hoping to  say I conquered 50 by next week - 

What 50 pounds looks like..  Been a while since I have done comparatives !! 






Visuals are so important !!  
 Keep on your path whatever it maybe .. 

Monday, December 9, 2013

RUN and a RAMBLE



WHAT A Miserable  weather week...  Rain... rain.. ohhh and rain... OHHHHH and lets not forget rain...
So we went to see this wonderful Movie called WHY WE RIDE..  LOVED IT!   AS we were leaving the movie.. it was pouring out... no umbrella of course .... Steve and I were holding hands.. and  we started walking a little faster ... and a little bit more faster.... there was no dodging the raindrops so it was either run or get even more soaked... In my old life.. Running was laughable.. in OUR  new life.. Running.. was shockingly doable.. for both of us.. the speed picked up.. and now we were running to the car.. RUNNING... it was amazing... and invigorating... and ... well even freeing.. We got in our car.. both of us wet.. and I looked at Steve and smiled and said.. we just ran to the car together... and as innocuous as that might sound... it was something that was so easy  and natural to do... my ankles were like WTF are you doing but even they did not falter... my knees did not  creak in pain... nothing.. just a short wet run to the car.. something so simple yet so amazing...  I had no idea my body remembered how to even do that...

I weighed today... thinking that there might be a gain but I stayed the same.. which was great..I survived  2 parties and 2 out to eat events... this week we have 2  more out to eat events.. but I am prepared and confident in those too.. Planning is everything  always!...

I am a food stalker.. please take no offense  but I watch you as you eat.. I watch how you eat, how much you eat.. and how fast you eat...  it teaches me that it can be done.. eating normal and healthy portions of food... with some indulgences here and there...   I am a really good food stalker too .. because with out admitting it here in writing you would never know I study you.. unless I confess to it...   my biggest thing is learning how to eat slow... I am married to a Northern boy and he does not come by slow eating naturally... and I find myself a lot of times eating way too fast... That is an issue I am trying to tackle now...


Cookies we bake ~



Monday, December 2, 2013

FIRING OFF ON FOCUS

Any event that is not part of our routines can totally cause a misfire of focus..

What I am saying is.. any trauma, any event, ANYTHING good bad or indifferent ... these things are always coming our way... sometimes they side swipe us right into a state of disaster, sometimes they just bump us off our path a little.. and sometimes we override them... I think that's the hardest to do... We forget our focus .. and our focus is ourselves for now... focusing on good health, good nutrition .. and a peaceful or as peaceful as possible environment..

Lets talk Holidays.... BAM they are here in full force..

I hear the combination of voices... OHHHH its a party season... OHHHH man I know I will gain   through December... So many parties.. so many treats... and I am not going to deny myself not one little bit.. okay I say... but are you ready to accept the consequences good or bad that go with your decisions???  that's what you have to resolve in yourself.... If you choose to eat freely  and really throw caution to the wind ... then do not  berate yourself later for your choices... just move on.. and do the best you can...

For me it is about Focus and planning :

So I know we have a party this weekend... On the positive it is at our house... on the negative it involves chili and calico beans.. and I love calico beans... So.. I know that I will have a small taste of my husbands chili and friends calico beans... other wise its  celery,  a little bit of cheese.. diet pop, water,  and medifast/TSFL treats for me... I am carefully planning for Saturday.. I also have an event Sunday.. I know where we are going and I know its a "safe place" with healthy choices..

Tomorrow night we are going out to dinner with a friend... hopefully we will go to  "my safe place" and I can order accordingly for my lean and green... 

Friday afternoon  we have another party...  I am bringing a TSFL/medifast  bar and I should be fine.. so I am not worried  about that either...

Am I going to miss the little treats ... hmmm yeah some things.. but what has really become a big deterrent for me is the thought of getting sick from  making the wrong choices... It would be awful to be at a party and have to run to the bathroom because you ate wrong... so to me that kinda is a reign in ...
 
I keep wanting to say I have had this grand epiphany of sorts and say OHHHH I will never touch that again.. or I won't do this again..or eat that or whatever.. but for me there  has been no Great Moment like that...  it is just what I choose to put in my body at the time... 

For me it is important to hold my focus... This time of year.. or that time of year.. and I wish everyone well on however they choose to eat.... willing to accept  all consequences good or bad  along the way...

Lost  a quarter of a pound this week for a round 46 grand total...

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

WORKS IN PROGRESS

It is such a simple thought ..how we are all works in progress.....I was setting my Thanksgiving/ Chanukah Tables.. 
When I had that desire to eat a piece of " chocolate gelt" was it because of nostalgia..??? I did not eat it but it serves as a  good reminder we are all works in progress..We make choices each and every day. 

I think food choices especially at holiday times can be so dicey.. You want to be good .. But the memories of MiMis apple pie are intoxicating.. Below are ideas to help us through the holiday food fest... A time of year that is so Foodcentic it can be overwhelming... 

Only you can decide if you will remain on your Program of better Health.. Whatever that is for you... 
If you choose to not stay on your program here are some common sense guidelines ..

MOST IMPORTANTLY FOOD IS NEITHER GOOD OR BAD ..I hate hearing people say I ate bad...nooo you made a choice is all..

1) make your choices and accept all consequences whatever they may be..

2) keep yourself well hydrated.. WATER WATER WATER!!!

3) take a extra walk or 3

4) small portions

5)4 bites.. Of rich foods or dessert ...you really only taste the first and the last bite ..so why all the filler??? 4 bites means small to wellll..small bites not giagantor bites.. 😀

6) enjoy your family and friends..


Monday, November 25, 2013

FLIP FLOP

I am kinda weird this way.. So on Thursday  I always check where I am on the scale.. And Monday is my  official  weigh day .. On Thursday I was 159.2 and today 160 ..still lost 2 pounds which is great but what I find so odd is , this is HOW I am losing weight.! all of my loses are lower on the Thursday check and always up .2 .3 or. 4 by Monday .. It's so bizarre it's like my body says oppsy. Too much loss for this week ..let's take it up a few ounces... There is no eating differences ..nothing ever changes that I do..it's totally my body...I am not complaining  mind you .. I just think it's bizarre lol... So everything is working perfectly.. But  I found it interesting to note the trending of how my body works... So I am down 45.8 pounds since July... Looking forwards to 50...

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

ABSOLUTELY HORRIFYING

STOMACH PORT

aspire-bariatrics-food-sucking-tube

THE LINK ABOVE TELLS ABOUT A DEVICE CURRENTLY AVAILABLE IN PARTS OF EUROPE.... AND PERHAPS SOON AVAILABLE HERE..

 I THINK THIS IS TERRIBLE..
Are people so unable to control themselves that a device like this would seem plausible... seriously.. I am just taken aback..  you might say how is this different from a lap band or other bariatric surgery...  this device is basically a DUMP for excess food... so your body will not consume it... instead of controlling what goes in your mouth .. you are dumping it out of your stomach into a device that is dumped into the toilet... 

 I have great empathy for folks that go the route of bariatric surgery they are really trying to accomplish something ... and in many cases learn something..
There are no magic pills ever... Weight loss is about perseverance not escapism.. its about effort and hard work... no the easy way out...   .. well I guess it is all about supply and demand... I am sure there are going to be more folks out there excited about this device than not... I personally find it sad...

Sunday, November 17, 2013

THE OBESITY CONVERSATION WITH MYSELF..

Even though I am no longer morbidly obese , and one day I will just be overweight according to the BMI chart.. I am ok with that. For me.. Just like following MF was the right choice for me..each of us has to choose our path.. In my thoughts it is what ever works with you that is important.. Something must click.. This clicked for me...  It takes hard work and dedication..no great change in your life is ever easy. I have been planning for my future now..so when I start transition.. I am ready for that phase of my life to unroll...I know that the want of eating will always be there.. The want being ..eating what ever I WANT...for me the desire of choice is stronger ..and the ordinary is no longer for me.. I want extraordinary..  I am planning for all I can plan for.. I told Steve that one day when I make the choice to indulge in something..it has to be extraordinary... I hear so many people say ..ohhhh well...I NEVER  indulge .. I never eat anything extra... Wow ...I guess I should salute you or something but to me that attitude is the attitude that always left me morbidly obese... Being militant always led to failure for Me.. So as I introduce more of a variety 
Of food back into my life I plan on leaving room for an extraordinary indulgence along the way... For now...my only crave I have is for a juicy tart and sweet apple... I believe if you map out a game plan .. It makes life easier along the way..  

All journeys are different  this is the journey that works for me... I would never reccomend this route unless a person was  at the end of choices... 

Its not easy taking the first step nor is it easy taking each additional step..  learning along the way has helped me greatly...  

People are asking me how I am doing this ... why am I doing this...  so I tell them my story... and I tell them them try other routes.. ..  
 I can relate to most of the stories I have heard too... 
A common question I get is what is  next... what happens after the 5 and 1 .. I tell them I am learning about transistion so I can be prepared... I also tell them I do not know whats next... I do know that the obesity monster lies with in... and I will always have to deal with it... but as with everything else in life... this too is a choice...  I would hope that i would not put myself through this and then decide to go off the deep end... I seriously doubt I would...  .. 

 I think the obesity conversation will be with me always .. no matter what my weight...  I think its important to look forward and plan but its always important to to remember where you came from.. and the steps you took to change your world... 


Monday, November 11, 2013

I CAN SEE 50 NOW 40 IS GONE

I can see 50 now 40 is gone..
I am finally seeing the sunny dawn..
Body is changing now getting stronger each day
I am prepared for obstacles in my way..

Gonna keep going strong 
No other choice
It is really a good thing you can't hear my voice ( lol) ..

Realizing the changes and such 
Seeing goals come alive means so much..

Okay ok .. Enough with destroying I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW THE RAIN IS GONE...
Feeling kinda puny today  bad cold ..sore ears ..and scratchy throat.. But will persevere none the less...

So blessed to have such a rock solid support system too.. 

What I have learned along the way is this: it is achievable ...anything you want to accomplish can be done !! 

Just glad to be past the 40 pound mark and working towards the 50 pound goal..

Say a prayer for me Please.. I will be saying a prayer for you too!!!

Saturday, November 9, 2013

12 years ago today

12 years ago today at approx. 235 pm I was sitting at my desk at work and received the phone call ever person fears , My parents had been in a horrible car accident .. We  got to the hospital ~ Reality set on As the words " I am so sorry but there was nothing we could do for your father .. You need to tell your mother " were said to me and Steve .....hard to believe it's been that long ago.. Today I  am grateful for time, compassion and strength ...The time I had with my dad, the compassion that was shown to me during this difficult healing time..  The trooper who put his arm around me and offered his condolences as he handed me dad's things and the EMT who waited to talk to me  afterwards and assured me that dad never suffered..And the strength my Steve gave me so I could do all that needed to be done, We miss you and love you Dad!

Friday, November 8, 2013

WHAT I AM THANKFUL FOR:

Today I am thankful for  challenges and the ability to change. Each of us has the power to change what ever our circumstances ..it is simply about taking the first step..using challenges and  excuses as stepping stones rather than brick walls.. Exploring our creative depths to find a way to make the proverbial "it" happen~ Today I have lost over 40 pounds because I took the first step..I still have a long way to go but now there are no more excuses just stepping stones...

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

WHAT IT TAKES..

SO .. I am at the 39.8 mark  almost 40 pounds...  thats good real good..
It has been a week of compliments galore.. so thats also good... People are asking my advice .. what I am doing etc.... So I tell my story... my rather lame story... It was no epithany ... just a simple conversation that got me started...  
Would I reccomend this program to anyone else... well....   thats a very debateable question..
I feel to do TSFL you have to want something bigger than food.... You have to want to invest in yourself.. for the rest of your life... and you must ... must be prepared that this is a lifestyle change... not just a quick fix to a lifelong problem... The solution will be ongoing and moldable as I continue on... I have a goal... and I will reach it.. and then I have the hardest task of a lifetime : to maintain with in 5 pounds of that goal...  I have thought about  this long and hard... will I just stay on the TSFL program.. will I switch to WW to maintain .. will I do a vairant of both... hmmm I really dont know.. My friend who is a dietician said I can come and see her on a regular basis so she can help me monitor myself... thats an option too... and in the beginning I think I am going to take her up on that ... but for now.. its 5 and 1 all the way ..

The horror stories I have heard.. of people going thru bariatric surgery only to gain half if not more of their weight back.. because they never learned the foundementals of good eating... or as TSFL says  Optimal Health and learning those keys to that.

 I am glad I went on this path.... it is not easy.. what it takes is tenacity ... the desire to want a healthier life as opposed to something unhealthy to eat..  what it takes.. is strength...  Strength of spirit and self... What it takes is the decision that you want to change... whatever path it takes... the desire to change overrides everything else..

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

EACH DAY IS A LESSON

 I am guessing I am a bit reflective this week due to my quickly approaching 51st birthday on Friday..
 I always get reflective at birthday times...   usually it is a time of great regret for me .. a time when I am not thinking about how far I have come  or changes ... but more so .. just a time of shrugging my shoulders.. and just going forward... same old me.. same old weight.. or gaining and nothing changing with in me...

 I have said this multiple times... but it is a defining fact... a simple conversation on FB led to the flame that ignited the spark that helped change my life...  This birthday I am 38 pounds lighter,  this birthday .. I feel proud...  this birthday ... while the road still may be long I actually can see myself succeeding...   In 3 months my life has changed dramatically...    Each day I plan for my future... and how I will hold on to this success...  I think the most important thing about weight loss  and maintaining a healthy weight is working mostly on the core of who you are... on the core of what has caused you to hide or be trapped in such a unhealthy body...   A lot of large folk would disagree with me.. saying Hey I am fat and I am fine .. no health problems...  that may well be the case for the moment.. but being morbidly obese.. will eventually cut your life short... the human body is not built to support such an abundance of weight... your internal organs suffer... your bones suffer,  your joints suffer.. and that is the reality ... 

Being a person who lives with Fibromyalgia and chronic pain .. I know that the above is true... yet it never motivated me to lose weight...  It was like I was in a constant battle with myself.. of knowing I should not eat this or that.. but doing it anyway just to spite myself.. just because I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it now... I wanted that Magnum bar with  NO consequences,  I wanted that big slice of pizza  or whatever I wanted .. the bread... etc...   so I kept eating that way telling my husband that I was trying to lose weight... telling the world I was trying  ... but I was not... I was not at all.... Until July 8th 2013.... one week prior on our Colorado trip .. I was eating healthier and better.. but not yet on program .. but due to the walking we did on our trip and the better eating I lost 4 pounds that week.. then started TSFL the following week on July 8th..  
 The program has not been easy.... so I will not say ohhh this is so easy.. its not... but sometimes desire overrides the mind and in my case my desire to be stronger and healthier ... has led me on this path...  I have been surrounded by tempting foods... and sometimes it can be difficult  ... but the DESIRE and the LESSONS I have learned in the last 3 months.. not to mention the self discovery too has been overwhelming  .. more overwhelming than the desire to eat....
To see that my former clothes  size 20 / 18 plus size  swim on me and that I now wear a size 12  regular .. and 12 short.. is amazing.. more than amazing... exciting...   .. It is still very hard for me to go shopping I get uncomfortable in stores.... but I am working on that    ( haha) ...
 
The mind on this journey is so  bizarre there are days that I can feel my body losing weight and days I can see the difference and then there are days that I am like  the Michellan man.. ( that white tire dude monster thing)  days where I feel so big .. so distorted that I fail to see any accomplishment~ that I am more so that morbidly obese person I was  than who I am now... Its tough...  ...

So each day I learn something new .. be  it a recipe.... be it something about myself.. each day I learn just how strong I really am..  EACH DAY IS A LESSON...

Monday, October 28, 2013

38 40 50 etc.

WOW.. 38 pounds  gone... GONE  GOOOOOOOOONE!!!...    2 pounds away from 40 pounds .. the 4th 10 pound goal... yep... I imagine that will get here soon...  then we concentrate on the next 10 pounds...  50 will be an amazing number for me.. 50 will be  the last amount of weight I lost in 1989 it stayed off for a very short time.. and much like quicksand  claiming its next victim  the oozing fat climbed up my body ... and nearly over took me for 20+ years...  with my help of not learning how eat correctly and maintain a new weight...  Such a different time then...now I am learning along the way and have the tools I will need to maintain my hard work.. and it has been hard work...


50 will be a celebration for me.. an emotional conquest.. much like each pound has been so far.. only more so... but... 50 comes later.. now  we work towards 40... sigh... its good ...

I had only planned to maintain for today's official weigh in .. after my colonoscopy last week... and to lose even a quarter of a pound is nice..  so here I am at 167.8    2 pounds away from the 40 pound marker...

I am happy  ~ FOR MY UPCOMING 51ST YEAR  ( FRIDAY NOVEMBER 1)   I am 38 pounds less than I was at this time last year.. I am stronger than I was... this time last year.. and things .. life ... well .. its not so bad... yep... So now we go to My 51st year.. with Motivation, Faith and Intent to get Stronger and better and healthier..

We are going out to dinner Friday night to Seasons 52  to celebrate my birthday .. its a great place and I can eat so clean and healthy there...

So my question is... what should I do for Birthday cake.. ??? I was thinking  a  choc chip soft bake .. with a wedge of laughing cow cream cheese and a packet of splenda.. ( to make the icing for my cake of course... or perhaps a soft bake brownie with the same toping.. or I could do a cheese cake soft bake by adding the wedge to the choc chip soft bake or brownie.. hmmmm decisions  decisions... lol... frankly the sweetness in my life comes from the love and support of my wonderful husband.. who understands me even better than I understand myself sometimes..

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

BUTT WHY?

Fifty is a interesting age.. At  least for me it has been ...in the course of a year I have  gotten healthier and did the dreaded and maligned colonoscopy.. That was today ,
 Dusting off soap box and  stepping up and reaching for Mic... Can ya hear me.... 

Please listen...
So for all of you over 50 or with a history of colon cancer in your  family...It's time  to :  Prep up, step up and drop your drawers... Yeah yeah the prep is no fun.. I spent my day yesterday  starting at 10 am.. 2 dulcocet tablets  then at noon ( I started a little before) I started the liquid part of the prep.. 64 ounces of miralax mixed with my beverage of choice. propel berry flavor .. You could not taste the miralax other than a slightly salty after taste much like Gatorade ...I had to drink 8 oz. every 15 minutes.. Mine was more like every 20 minutes...until the solution was gone then I took the last two dulcocet .. The effects hit me midway into the liquid portion of the prep...so basically from 130yesterday  To 530 this morning .. The bathroom and I had  were very good friends???this morning I got fairly weak ... But was fine.. Went to the facility,,, checked in.. Taken back..all I remember is the sweet nurse poking the shot in my IV and saying time for a nice nap.. Then I was in recovery .. The doc said to Steve .. Well.. It's clean boring uninteresting and perfectly normal.... Yay..Seee  no big deal deal.. I do it again in 10 years!  Sooo here is what I am saying .. GET YOUR BUTT TO THE DOCTOR...save your life .. Knowledge is always Power!.....
....stepping off soap box....

FYI I did go off program.. For the test.. I also lost two pounds which I believe will probably return now that I am back OP..

 Life is good TSFL GOOD!!

Monday, October 21, 2013

WHO WILL HAVE FAITH IN YOU IF YOU DO NOT HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF~

I  am going to be 51 years old in  couple weeks... I am not very sure what exactly happened to me back in June.. I do not know really how all of this happened... Perhaps I was just opened to change... I still am not really sure... I know my many blessings involve some good friends Susan Goodman and Laura Benjaminson have both changed my life... Susan by mentioning Take Shape for Life to Me ... it was not even a deep conversation.. it was more .. hey .. this is what I am doing why don't you try this... I can give you Laura's number.. and she can tell you all about it... that's all that was said basically .. No crying.. no soul searching deep conversation.... just a comment just a thought that changed my life... I think of Susan often.. and I think of Laura often.. they are both on their journeys to better health too... and they took me along for the ride..  and what a ride it has been... 
The Topic of this post is WHO WILL HAVE FAITH IN YOU IF YOU DO NOT HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF...    ??  You have to have find it with in you to believe you can achieve what you want... no matter how long it takes you have to have faith  in yourself first... It is contagious... when people seeing you striving for a goal they get motivated for you.. and encourage you along the way ... they also start looking at themselves and realize that they have things they want to accomplish and realize that if NOT NOW WHEN? applies to them too... I love watching my husband fit into size medium shirts now..  I love seeing him succeed in getting healthier too.. So far all his numbers are excellent too we just have to watch his cholesterol now... 

Focus on the positive in your life... and don't let other things cloud your way... learn how to cope and handle things .. find the tools that help you along...

 I have learned also to just let it go... regarding the pain.. I  hoped that the pain would start resolving itself with weight loss .. and though there is minimal improvement I still ache and hurt ... and Fibro still has a grip on me.. Rest assured though it will never beat me no matter how hard it tries and flares up... I am stronger than that..  So even though the pain is still part of .. I have greater strength and will power to not let it overcome me..

Speaking of rides... My husband and I took the leap and traded the Mazda 3  for a MX -5 Miata power hard top ... it is sheer awesomeness.. and so fun too drive.. will post pictures soon..


 I am so excited for two reasons... In February Laura is coming to Birmingham .. It will be the first time for us to see each other physically since our life style changes and losing so much weight.. I hope I will recognize her still.. by then she will have lost a person... I hope Susan can come too... I am also overjoyed that my first niece will have her baby boy too sometimes in late January or early February.. I will have a baby boy nephew.. so excited .. he is a kicker boy so I call him Beckham... I will probably always  call him Beck.. just like I call a friend of mines baby Peanut since that was her name prior to her birth... she will always be Peanut to me. I finally got to feel Beck kick.... I think we have a future soccer or baseball player on our hands.. just in case he is swinging an arm in there lol..

SO those are my exciting things..

Please have faith starting today that you can accomplish your goals no matter how big or small or how old you are ... You can have the life you want... by staying focused and believing in yourself. and walking slowly towards your goal...

Thursday, October 17, 2013

MORE FOOD THOUGHTS MEDIFAST STYLE



BOO FOR BLUEBERRY  soft bake.. meh... thats the only word that works..... I am going to try it as a pancake next time and see if my opinion changes.... It was extreemly fake tasting....  I seldom  say anything negative about Medifast products and always like to jazz things up a bit.. but there is little to no jazzing of this product...  the only thing else I might try is adding some of the Walden Farms No Calorie Blueberry preserves to see if that perks it up a bit and makes it more moist... per package directions it is not a favorite.. at all... 

So since I have not done a updated  Favorites list in a while here we go..

MEDIFAST  MAC AND CHEESE    LOVE IT   MY WAY! 

MEDIFAST SOFT BAKE BROWNIE   DELICIOUS ESPECIALLY IF YOU ADD A LITTLE  WALDEN FARMS NO CAL CARMEL SYRUP AND A WEDGE OF LAUGHING COW CREAM CHEESE ( PLAIN) ... YOU KINDA HAVE A BROWNIE CHEESECAKE CARMELY THING GOING ON LOL... 

MEDIFAST CHOCOLATE CHIP SOFT BAKE... DELIGHTFUL  SMOOTHIE...    AND OKAY AS A SOFT BAKE TOO.... I HAVE ADDED  LAUGHING COW LIGHT CREAM CHEESE TO AND GET A CHOCOLATE CHIP CHEESECAKE SHAKE THATS PRETTY TASTY TOO... BEATS THE SAME OLD SAME OLD..


MEDIFAST CARMEL CRUNCH BAR
MEDIFAST SMORES BAR
MEDIFAST CHOCOLATE MINT BAR
MEDIFAST  OATMEAL RAISIN BAR
 MEDIFAST  CINNAMON ROLL BAR
MEDIFAST  STRAWBERRY CRUNCH BAR

MEDIFAST CHILI  MY WAY 

MEDIFAST SOFT SERVE MINT
MEDIFAST  SOFT SERVE PEANUT BUTTER

MEDIFAST APPLE OATMEAL
MEDIFAST BLUEBERRY OATMEAL
MEDIFAST CHOCOLATE SHAKE

MEDIFAST PEANUT BUTTER CHOCOLATE CHIP CHEWY BAR
MEDIFAST COOKIES AND CREAM CHEWY BAR ( I KEEP BOTH THESE BARS IN THE FREEZER)

MEDIFAST CHOCOLATE PUDDING MAKES A GREAT SHAKE
MEDIFAST CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES
MEDIFAST   SPICE PANCAKES 

MEDIFAST NACHO PUFFS
MEDIFAST PARMESEAN PUFFS
MEDIFAST  BBQ BITES
MEDIFAST HONEY MUSTARD BITES
MEDIFAST CINNAMON BITES
MEDIFAST CHEESE PIZZA BITES

MEDIFAST CINNAMON CRUNCH CEREAL
MEDIFAST BERRY CRUNCH CEREAL

AND THATS MY FAVORITES... IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER...

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Medifast Unstuffed Cabbage Yum

Recipe click on you should be able to see it.. You can sub veggie crumbles, lean ground turkey or chicken for lean ground beef ~ this recipe is from Sandy's Kitchen. Here is link to her website with recipe too. http://www.sandyskitchenadventures.com/2013/10/unstuffed-cabbage.html.   

She is amazing her ideas have helped me so much!!!
Starting and Cooking
Finished product yummy

Monday, October 14, 2013

THE BITTER AND THE SWEET

Weigh day today ...  gained .4 of a pound....  it was not a happy morning for me... but much like life ... we must take bitter with the sweet and realize that the human body will do what it needs to do during this process...  I reviewed my food logs and  realized I did not get all my water in this week... and I skipped 4 meals during the week for various reasons... the  IDEAL SOLUTION to a PROBLEM is figuring out  how the problem might have occurred and developing a plan with out panic or drama... SO with out either panic or drama... this week  features.. making sure all water is in.. No over exercising... ( walking twice a day  once is enough and no walking if I swam that day) ... making sure I get in all my meals on the 5&1 .. I was going to go as low carb as possible on the plan but then I started thinking if 4 out of seven days in the past week I skipped a meal that means I ate under 800 calories that day  which is NOT good.. so rather than restrict myself this week I  wonder if hovering at 1000 would not be better... just to see what happens since I have never done that... and keeping my carbs right at 95-100 rather than 85 or below..  any thoughts would  be appreciated..

I talked with a trainer at the gym and he said he would not train me until I was in maintenance because he feels that for my calorie intake that working out is not in my best interest that alternating between swimming and walking  is much better and less stressful  until I am done with the 5 & 1.    He even suggested if I reach a point where I stop losing to take a month break from medifast ... increase my calorie intake and exercise for that month... so my body can :"  heal" or adjust to the New weight.. then go back on the program for a more accelerated weight loss...don't think I will be doing that but it is a thought down the road...  It seems I do not plateau  I gain .4 of a pound and then drop again... Back in August I went through the same thing... and that time I kept the carbs under 85 and that was all I did.. and the following week I had a 2 pound loss...

Well.. time to button up.. and get on with the week! 

Friday, October 11, 2013




10 GREAT THINGS

10 GREAT THINGS ABOUT BEING MORBIDLY OBESE:


>.............................................(crickets)..........................




10 GREAT THINGS ABOUT GETTING HEALTHIER:


1.  GETTING UP IN THE MORNING IS EASIER

2. FEELING STRONGER

3. FEELING BETTER

4. FEELING MORE CONFIDENT

5.  FEELING EXCITED TO TRY ON SMALLER CLOTHES

6. GETTING ON THE MOTORCYCLE IS EASIER

7. GETTTING  IN AND OUT OF A MIATA IS MUCH EASIER ( THINKING ABOUT GETTING ONE) NOW..

8. FEELING INSPIRED

9. FEELING THAT I CAN ACCOMPLISH MY GOALS

10.  FEELING HAPPIER

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

TWO SIDES OF DIET

I suppose whether you call it a lifestyle change or a diet ... or a plan or a program.. it really does not matter in the long run..  BUT  .. when I start thinking of the term diet the first thing that comes to mind.. is ...  the two definitions of that word... A diet being on a program to lose or gain weight...
Secondly a diet being your eating style.

In the first definition if you Google the word diet   every program under the sun pops up.. and usually the last diet program you googled is in the first 5

Everything from the Paleo diet to  the QUICK AND EASY DIET..  to MIRACLE diet tips... etc etc.. can be found..

I know many people who have made the Paleo commitment and are very happy .. they turned this from a diet into a lifestyle change.. Same with MF ... Same with several other programs...  

It is the folks that simply say I am on a diet I can't eat that that I think about..   " so when I am off the diet and go back to "regular' eating then I can have  whatever..

Oh well I guess we have to choose our own path and views... and my view only works for me if it works for others that's awesome too.

I prefer the second definition myself..  just because it seems to be more in line with how I feel now ...a diet being the way you eat...   ..I was reading where someone felt good about saying no I can not eat that I am on a diet... to me that says ... I wanna fit in my skinny jeans .. give me 2 weeks and then I can have a beer or pizza with you... the question would be are you learning how to eat properly.. are you learning that beer and pizza are on the rarely list... and  healthier choices are what you should fuel your body with .. Going out to dinner should not be an excuse to raid the cooks pantry and kitchen... it should be thought out and a decision made prior to going if possible..  that way its no stress.. you know that instead of the breaded chicken fried steak you are going to have 6 oz of grilled chicken with their house salad and salad dressing on the side and maybe even some grilled broccoli too.. You know you have those options because you called where you were going out to eat and found out your choices.. you did not put yourself in a position where you are not prepared.. Locally I am learning great places for me to  go out and eat with family and friends..  Sometimes I do say no thank you.. ( with out elaboration ) and if I get to pick where we go I pick one of the better choices for me...

For the most part at least for now I choose to eat at home.. its easier.. I know what I am getting ...

TWO SIDES OF DIET

THE QUICKIE

AND THE LIFESTYLE CHANGE..

Monday, October 7, 2013

MOMENTS FOR MONDAY

 So its like this you start thinking about things and you realize that we are not all one prescription ... in other words what works for you might not work for me..
I  think this is one of the reasons I love MF   I feel like its more geared to me.. granted the 5 and 1 is more for all of us... .. but when you move into transition and later maintenance  you actually learn what your body needs at a resting rate and what your body needs when YOU ADD more exercise into the mix..
 So if you are very active then your calorie/carb intake is a bit more ...then say someone who is not as active... 

So you get to learn where your body fits...  You are not guaranteed that you will eat 1800 calories once you are finished with the 5 and 1 you have to learn what your body needs to function at  your goal weight... it may be more calories than you thought or it might be less...  I know the focus with MF is not so much calories.. but for me... its much easier to think in that concrete frame  calories and carbs.. scientific numbers.. than  go a different route... its easier... and its nice to know when I am done with the 5 and 1 that the next phase will introduce me to more whole foods...
Never in my life have a actually craved an apple... or fruit for that matter... but now.. I think an apple would be nice at this time of year.. I am on a mission right now.. so when I get to transition I will be looking forward to those new experiences and learning how I can maintain my weight and not be afraid of what I eat..   I am also learning and perfectly okay with serving sizes... learning that a serving size is basically a 4 oz. ramekin ( say of fruit, or pasta for example) is now okay by me... In the old days... a serving size of Pasta was a HUGE BOWL LOADED WITH CHEESE AND SAUCE AND OF COURSE     P  A  S  T   A ... So  now  that has comfortably flipped on me... there is really no food I miss since I know one day it will be worked back into my menu.. in some form... I however have made the decision to keep medifast  a part of my menu once I transition into the other phases... so it will always be with me in some form... for the rest of my life.. it will serve as a reminder of my hard work... and the effort I use to maintain the victory of that hard work...  see the losing part is easy if you can call it easy... the maintaining part is what I am preparing myself for...  I am interviewing people all the time... I watch people all the time..   I think its really cool how there are folks who never had to worry what they eat... and then there are those of us that have to make it happen..

So I am glad I am learning and I am glad I will continue to learn..

For my Monday

down 34.6 pounds... almost out of 170s   

Oh Happy Day!

Thursday, October 3, 2013

A CONVERSATION WITH STEVE ON WEIGHT LOSS AND MOTIVATION

My Husband Steve   and I talked about weight  loss and motivation  today ... here is the jest of our conversation.

 In order to be successful   there has to be something that clicks in your head that gets you started.
It could be an immediate health crisis... In Steve's case it was a diagnosis of Diabetes that prompted him to lose weight and watch what he eats.. from time to time he indulges  but most of the time he is careful in his food choices .

In my case something just clicked for me.. .. I can not say I was at an all time low ...  I just realized it was this or bariatric surgery ... or die..

I opted to live .. and have as many more great adventures with Steve as possible...  I am A lucky one... no health crisis preceded my weight loss so far...  and I have a great support team.

People  are searching for that magic pill... that quick and easy attainment of weight loss and very simply there are no long term or life long tricks like that.

Weight loss and good health  baring any physical illness of course are built  on simple and consistent facts.

      A DECISION  is made
      A PLAN  is developed   be it WW , Calorie Counting, Carb Counting,  a medical necessity , Medifast or TSFL  or any of the other systems out there ... THAT PLAN MUST BE TAILORED TO FIT YOU.
      A STRATEGY  for  life events  birthdays weddings etc...  must be developed as well.
A STRATEGY for coping with your new life ... trust me its a different world  the healthier you get
A PLAN  for  exercise and strength building needs to be put in place.. MUST BE SOMETHING YOU ENJOY OTHERWISE YOU MOST LIKELY WILL NOT FOLLOW THROUGH... I swim and take water yoga classes and walk for now..

MOTIVATION, DETERMINATION, DISCIPLINE AND THE FOCUS TO NEVER GIVE UP NO MATTER WHAT CHALLENGE COMES YOUR WAY..  that's where I am now...

DECISION ~ PLAN ~ STRATEGY~  MOTIVATION~  DETERMINATION ~ DISCIPLINE AND FOCUS COMBINED WITH A SIMPLE PHRASE~ NEVER GIVE UP!

YOU CAN DO THIS... I AM ALMOST HALF WAY THERE NOW.. I AM STARTING TO SEE THE CREST OF MY SUCCESS ... I BELIEVE YOU CAN TOO... PLEASE VISIT MY COACHES PAGE  FOR MORE INFORMATION ON TSFL SHE IS GREAT ... IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN WHAT I AM DOING... OR FOLLOW YOUR OWN PATH ..

PLEASE KEEP SEARCHING ...IF YOU ARE NOT THERE YET OR READY... AND PLEASE NEVER EVER GIVE UP... NO MATTER WHAT YOUR GOALS ARE.. BE THEY FOR YOUR HEALTH AND FITNESS OR YOUR CAREER NEVER NEVER GIVE UP..
 

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

WEIGHT LOSS SIMULATOR

 JUST TO GIVE YOU A LITTLE VISION OF WHERE THE FUTURE IS GOING... I ALWAYS FIND TOOLS LIKE THIS A MOTIVATING  FACTOR..
 
simulator   was Kinda neat to do..    its called modelmydiet.com
 
helps to give you a idea of how things will look as you go on your journey..
 
OKAY NOW FOR  THE REAL ME...  NO I DID NOT GET SHORTER LOL  JUST A WEIRD ANGLED PHOTO I GUES.S.. ....
 THIS IS ME FROM START TO  CURRENTLY ..PLUS A LITTLE OVER 4 MORE POUNDS DOWN..
 

Monday, September 30, 2013

TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE and OTHER THINGS..

Before I start writing this... I want you to know this is based purely on observation.. and are entirely my thoughts  perhaps not your truths but what I believe to be true.
 
Accusations are hurtled out like candy being thrown to parade goers with out fact.

In the future get your facts before you go on the attack.

You can never ever know what another individual is going through  you might think you can.. and you might sympathize but you will never know until that very same thing happens to you and only then will you realize the depths of what you did not know..

Listening is being open to another  person's thoughts and opinions no matter how irrational they might seem at the time. Listening is done with out opinion giving unless warranted and wanted at the time.. Listening is quiet simply the act of sitting there with your mouth closed and your brain open to someone else's world..

There are indeed some things you can never fix.

There are indeed some acts that are so reprehensible they can never be forgiven.. nor forgotten.

Life is not singularly about you.  You are in the world with all types of people.

It is too late when the casket is lowered into the ground to say you are sorry or wish you did more ...

Your parents are human.. they are fragile imperfect and awkward at times..  just like you.

 
Realize that every action has a consequence  good or bad...

There are some things that will follow you until the day you vacate this planet...
These things will define you as human.. make sure they are things you can be proud of... and if not at least try and do better before your clock runs out.

Knowing when to let go.. is important... Children have to fall so they can learn to walk on their own...

Do your best to live with out regret.

Let the negative people go... and let the positive people in.

Surround yourself with encouragers and builders ... lose the people who criticize your every move... Shed those who weigh your heart and inspiration down..  Bring into your life those who lift you up , in mind and spirit.  Be with those who have faith in you..

Life is incredibly short... Your clock will run out...
Live a life of meaning... of good health... of encouragement for yourself and others.
Spread compassion and happiness  ..

Try to see the best in others... even in the darkest of times.

Looking around... Stepping off of Soapbox and sharing my good news of the day ..



TODAY I LOST..

Actually  since  July 8 2013

20 DOZEN EGGS












4 GALLONS OF WATER
                                                       
                                                          
THIS FISH


A LITTLE BIT MORE THAN 10 CANS OF CRISCO





Near the end of June  I weighed 205.8 pounds
Today I weigh 174.6 pounds... I HAVE LOST 31.2 POUNDS...
I am 5.7 pounds from my half way mark OF  36.9 POUNDS ..
I have 42.6 pounds to go as of today . 
Still quiet a hill to climb... but I am doing it..
There are a lot of folks ashamed of their numbers... Today I am not one of those people... I have come a long way...
Still long to go... but I will get there... soon...



Wednesday, September 25, 2013

THE WEIGHT OF THINKING


Make no mistake I love my life..I could not ask for a more perfect husband...and delightful unobstructed  life..

Sometimes I invision myself as a healthy normal weight person and I wonder had that been my lot..what would my life have been like?   Would I still be the person I am?  Would I still live here??? Would I be famous for something?? Would I be happy?? Or just another middle age woman struggling to find her place still in a world of abject perfection?? Would I have married younger??? Would I have married at a reasonable age??? Would I be a mom? What would have been different??? Wellll since we do not live in parallel universes I can't pop my head through a worm hole and peek at a different life...but I do wonder had I not traveled this road what road would I have discovered...

I like the road I am now.. It's nice to be over 50 and still be so self aware of change and still enjoy discovering new things about myself... Like I actually have hip bones..and a collar bone...and real knees...I have a chin..not twelve of them... Nearly 30 pounds later I am still on discovery mode...while 44 pounds are still left to climb and pull through its nice to know I am still me, As I discover my physical self..
While I am still not good at Shopping I am enjoying the changes...
Along with that change I am also discovering that working on my life has a cost in what people think of me.. Some people  think I am not paying enough attention to them...that I am too self involved.. That I am too caught up in my life and not doing right by others..I can not control others opinions of me.. I can only control my thoughts ..my hopes...my life.. Perhaps with weight loss comes a certain amount of selfishness..people are used to the fat me..and the old availability always ready for their life but forgetting mine...Maybe this new found selfishness is wrong .. I don't know?? Maybe it is the key to better health... If I had lived a thin life would I have been more selfish along the way??? How would people have looked at me then????
I don't know.. no worm hole...
Make no mistake.. I love my life but I am also discovering that change has many loops and turns....

Monday, September 23, 2013

PROGRESS

What exactly is progress????  Is it the 29.4 pounds I have lost so far...the 44.4 I have to go???
Is progress the pounds you loss on a scale?   Well  technically ...yes.. But is this the only device we can measure progress by????
If you keep up with your inches... That's a sign of progress too of course...
The way your your clothes fell is a sign as well...
However, these are only physical signs.. What about the deeper signs of progress?
Like the ability to accept you are succeeding..?. 
Are you mentally progressing too??
Are you thinking about transition as each week you get closer to your goal???
Are you learning what you will need to do to start towards maintaining your goal once you get there?
When  you reach goal and then your weight starts coming back .. You must know its because you decided to go back to your worst habits...instead of committing to yourself that it all must change..that to me is the hardest part of this or any assistive weight loss program the reality that you can never go back to morbidly obese or obese land .. And the only way to control this is to change permanently your thought processes about food.. It dogs not mean you can not eat again.. It means you just have to think about it... The reality is...you will never be a free eater...no healthy person is... Healthy  more fit people.. Exercise .. Chose what  they eat.. Indulge occasionally ..and they pay attention to how they fuel their bodies...
I have learned this via TSFL.. OF course I really knew this because it is common sense as well.
I pray every day for strength through out this journey.. Because I don't want to go down this path another time...I want to build walls with each pound I lose..walls of integrity..and strength..that there is no turning back only moving forward.. And no matter what triumph or tragedy comes my way .. That food is not the prize or blanket to fix any sadness or perpetuate any joy... I live in a food culture both by my livelihood and faith....so learning to adapt to these lifelong challenges will be my task to work through... One I have no doubt I will master for the alternative just does not work any more...

Friday, September 20, 2013

BEAUTIFUL and RANDOM..

I HAVE NEVER BEEN BEAUTIFUL... granted your eyes won't melt when you look at me...you won't run screaming from the room or anything.... I  but I have never felt BEAUTIFUL...  and that is okay...  I am lacking the shopping gene... but I am also okay with that too... I listen to women I consider beautiful and I am amazed at how actually messed up they are on the inside... I am thankful I do not have that angst to deal with ... 
Always worried about fitting in a certain size, worried if their face does not look a certain way... or the grey is showing....
I have grey all around my face now... and it blends nicely with the natural color of my hair..  sure I cringe  at the  wrinkles that furrow my brow... but I guess I have earned them... I don't strive for perfection just the best that I can be...  make no mistake I care how I look..  I just do not let it rule my life... 

I people watch  all the time... I watch how thin people eat... ( I stalk thin people LOL) .. 
I also listen to people tell me their weight loss stories... 

An experience from yesterday :

At my appointment I chatted with a nurse seems she had gastric bypass surgery in 2009  she had lost 100 pounds... now she has gained back 40.. she blames it on the regular Cokes ... because like she said she only can eat a half of a whopper jr.... WTF???? excuse my language but did anyone read what I just typed.... she is a darling lady and I am sure she has to have some type of smarts to be a nurse.. but did she really just tell me that... ?? totally crazy... I mean if you are going to put your body through a surgery to help you lose weight ... aren't you going to feed/fuel yourself properly  to stay healthy???  she also had a heartache 1 year later at her lowest weight both parents have had heart surgeries... Seems to me after a heart attack I would be a SAINT... she told me she is addicted to COKE to clarify .. the DRINK... .. I suggested switching to diet coke,  she said she would rather drink water or tea... myself and another nurse said good that's a even better choice... I just do not get why do that to yourself if you are not going to fix it.. Look I am no saint I have a long way to go... but.. I am not doing this for fun... I am doing this to get somewhere...I really felt bad for her... but I just do not understand the logic... in my mind if I had had that surgery .. I would have had a small salad and a grilled chicken or something.. whatever amount I could eat... that's healthy fuel... a whopper jr... even half of one is carb city... and its not even really good tasty carbs.. I mean if you are gonna eat that way make it pizza lol.. .make it something rich and eye rolling  hahaha... sigh.....
There is so much I do not understand when it comes to the decisions people make..
I told you I thin people stalk... I also fat people stalk... I watch them... like watched myself... like I watch myself... and I wonder do they ever desire to change... or are they content having to use the scooter at the store... toddling along instead of walking one foot in front of the other... struggling to breath... maybe even using oxygen to help.. 
Its nice when you realize you can change... and life can get better... I dont want to tell you all the ways life changes.... its an individual thing .. something you need to learn for yourself... 

I don't think I will ever see myself as beautiful... I will however simply enjoy being me..

Thursday, September 19, 2013

MORE RECIPE IDEAS

PUDDING POPCICLE  
Chocolate Cheesecake Pudding POP 
wedge of laughing cow plain cream cheese  softened in microwave
one packet chocolate pudding mix  as package says ... pour in to popcicle molds freeze
next day run mold under warm water   pull out popcicle  yum..
next up..  stuffed portebello....   tomatos, 

peppers, garlic onion  sauted  and then added on spicy morning star farms   sausage patty  chopped up.. sprinkled a little cheese  and 2 tablespoons eggbeaters....  mixed well...
baked portebello cap in oven for a few minutes added mixtured topped with a sprinkle of cheese  bakd at 375 for 25 minutes ..  watch so it does not burn... yum...