Monday, September 30, 2013


Before I start writing this... I want you to know this is based purely on observation.. and are entirely my thoughts  perhaps not your truths but what I believe to be true.
Accusations are hurtled out like candy being thrown to parade goers with out fact.

In the future get your facts before you go on the attack.

You can never ever know what another individual is going through  you might think you can.. and you might sympathize but you will never know until that very same thing happens to you and only then will you realize the depths of what you did not know..

Listening is being open to another  person's thoughts and opinions no matter how irrational they might seem at the time. Listening is done with out opinion giving unless warranted and wanted at the time.. Listening is quiet simply the act of sitting there with your mouth closed and your brain open to someone else's world..

There are indeed some things you can never fix.

There are indeed some acts that are so reprehensible they can never be forgiven.. nor forgotten.

Life is not singularly about you.  You are in the world with all types of people.

It is too late when the casket is lowered into the ground to say you are sorry or wish you did more ...

Your parents are human.. they are fragile imperfect and awkward at times..  just like you.

Realize that every action has a consequence  good or bad...

There are some things that will follow you until the day you vacate this planet...
These things will define you as human.. make sure they are things you can be proud of... and if not at least try and do better before your clock runs out.

Knowing when to let go.. is important... Children have to fall so they can learn to walk on their own...

Do your best to live with out regret.

Let the negative people go... and let the positive people in.

Surround yourself with encouragers and builders ... lose the people who criticize your every move... Shed those who weigh your heart and inspiration down..  Bring into your life those who lift you up , in mind and spirit.  Be with those who have faith in you..

Life is incredibly short... Your clock will run out...
Live a life of meaning... of good health... of encouragement for yourself and others.
Spread compassion and happiness  ..

Try to see the best in others... even in the darkest of times.

Looking around... Stepping off of Soapbox and sharing my good news of the day ..


Actually  since  July 8 2013




Near the end of June  I weighed 205.8 pounds
Today I weigh 174.6 pounds... I HAVE LOST 31.2 POUNDS...
I am 5.7 pounds from my half way mark OF  36.9 POUNDS ..
I have 42.6 pounds to go as of today . 
Still quiet a hill to climb... but I am doing it..
There are a lot of folks ashamed of their numbers... Today I am not one of those people... I have come a long way...
Still long to go... but I will get there... soon...

Wednesday, September 25, 2013


Make no mistake I love my life..I could not ask for a more perfect husband...and delightful unobstructed  life..

Sometimes I invision myself as a healthy normal weight person and I wonder had that been my lot..what would my life have been like?   Would I still be the person I am?  Would I still live here??? Would I be famous for something?? Would I be happy?? Or just another middle age woman struggling to find her place still in a world of abject perfection?? Would I have married younger??? Would I have married at a reasonable age??? Would I be a mom? What would have been different??? Wellll since we do not live in parallel universes I can't pop my head through a worm hole and peek at a different life...but I do wonder had I not traveled this road what road would I have discovered...

I like the road I am now.. It's nice to be over 50 and still be so self aware of change and still enjoy discovering new things about myself... Like I actually have hip bones..and a collar bone...and real knees...I have a chin..not twelve of them... Nearly 30 pounds later I am still on discovery mode...while 44 pounds are still left to climb and pull through its nice to know I am still me, As I discover my physical self..
While I am still not good at Shopping I am enjoying the changes...
Along with that change I am also discovering that working on my life has a cost in what people think of me.. Some people  think I am not paying enough attention to them...that I am too self involved.. That I am too caught up in my life and not doing right by others..I can not control others opinions of me.. I can only control my thoughts life.. Perhaps with weight loss comes a certain amount of selfishness..people are used to the fat me..and the old availability always ready for their life but forgetting mine...Maybe this new found selfishness is wrong .. I don't know?? Maybe it is the key to better health... If I had lived a thin life would I have been more selfish along the way??? How would people have looked at me then????
I don't know.. no worm hole...
Make no mistake.. I love my life but I am also discovering that change has many loops and turns....

Monday, September 23, 2013


What exactly is progress????  Is it the 29.4 pounds I have lost so far...the 44.4 I have to go???
Is progress the pounds you loss on a scale?   Well  technically ...yes.. But is this the only device we can measure progress by????
If you keep up with your inches... That's a sign of progress too of course...
The way your your clothes fell is a sign as well...
However, these are only physical signs.. What about the deeper signs of progress?
Like the ability to accept you are succeeding..?. 
Are you mentally progressing too??
Are you thinking about transition as each week you get closer to your goal???
Are you learning what you will need to do to start towards maintaining your goal once you get there?
When  you reach goal and then your weight starts coming back .. You must know its because you decided to go back to your worst habits...instead of committing to yourself that it all must change..that to me is the hardest part of this or any assistive weight loss program the reality that you can never go back to morbidly obese or obese land .. And the only way to control this is to change permanently your thought processes about food.. It dogs not mean you can not eat again.. It means you just have to think about it... The reality will never be a free healthy person is... Healthy  more fit people.. Exercise .. Chose what  they eat.. Indulge occasionally ..and they pay attention to how they fuel their bodies...
I have learned this via TSFL.. OF course I really knew this because it is common sense as well.
I pray every day for strength through out this journey.. Because I don't want to go down this path another time...I want to build walls with each pound I lose..walls of integrity..and strength..that there is no turning back only moving forward.. And no matter what triumph or tragedy comes my way .. That food is not the prize or blanket to fix any sadness or perpetuate any joy... I live in a food culture both by my livelihood and learning to adapt to these lifelong challenges will be my task to work through... One I have no doubt I will master for the alternative just does not work any more...

Friday, September 20, 2013


I HAVE NEVER BEEN BEAUTIFUL... granted your eyes won't melt when you look at won't run screaming from the room or anything.... I  but I have never felt BEAUTIFUL...  and that is okay...  I am lacking the shopping gene... but I am also okay with that too... I listen to women I consider beautiful and I am amazed at how actually messed up they are on the inside... I am thankful I do not have that angst to deal with ... 
Always worried about fitting in a certain size, worried if their face does not look a certain way... or the grey is showing....
I have grey all around my face now... and it blends nicely with the natural color of my hair..  sure I cringe  at the  wrinkles that furrow my brow... but I guess I have earned them... I don't strive for perfection just the best that I can be...  make no mistake I care how I look..  I just do not let it rule my life... 

I people watch  all the time... I watch how thin people eat... ( I stalk thin people LOL) .. 
I also listen to people tell me their weight loss stories... 

An experience from yesterday :

At my appointment I chatted with a nurse seems she had gastric bypass surgery in 2009  she had lost 100 pounds... now she has gained back 40.. she blames it on the regular Cokes ... because like she said she only can eat a half of a whopper jr.... WTF???? excuse my language but did anyone read what I just typed.... she is a darling lady and I am sure she has to have some type of smarts to be a nurse.. but did she really just tell me that... ?? totally crazy... I mean if you are going to put your body through a surgery to help you lose weight ... aren't you going to feed/fuel yourself properly  to stay healthy???  she also had a heartache 1 year later at her lowest weight both parents have had heart surgeries... Seems to me after a heart attack I would be a SAINT... she told me she is addicted to COKE to clarify .. the DRINK... .. I suggested switching to diet coke,  she said she would rather drink water or tea... myself and another nurse said good that's a even better choice... I just do not get why do that to yourself if you are not going to fix it.. Look I am no saint I have a long way to go... but.. I am not doing this for fun... I am doing this to get somewhere...I really felt bad for her... but I just do not understand the logic... in my mind if I had had that surgery .. I would have had a small salad and a grilled chicken or something.. whatever amount I could eat... that's healthy fuel... a whopper jr... even half of one is carb city... and its not even really good tasty carbs.. I mean if you are gonna eat that way make it pizza lol.. .make it something rich and eye rolling  hahaha... sigh.....
There is so much I do not understand when it comes to the decisions people make..
I told you I thin people stalk... I also fat people stalk... I watch them... like watched myself... like I watch myself... and I wonder do they ever desire to change... or are they content having to use the scooter at the store... toddling along instead of walking one foot in front of the other... struggling to breath... maybe even using oxygen to help.. 
Its nice when you realize you can change... and life can get better... I dont want to tell you all the ways life changes.... its an individual thing .. something you need to learn for yourself... 

I don't think I will ever see myself as beautiful... I will however simply enjoy being me..

Thursday, September 19, 2013


Chocolate Cheesecake Pudding POP 
wedge of laughing cow plain cream cheese  softened in microwave
one packet chocolate pudding mix  as package says ... pour in to popcicle molds freeze
next day run mold under warm water   pull out popcicle  yum..
next up..  stuffed portebello....   tomatos, 

peppers, garlic onion  sauted  and then added on spicy morning star farms   sausage patty  chopped up.. sprinkled a little cheese  and 2 tablespoons eggbeaters....  mixed well...
baked portebello cap in oven for a few minutes added mixtured topped with a sprinkle of cheese  bakd at 375 for 25 minutes ..  watch so it does not burn... yum...

Tuesday, September 17, 2013


Pudding thoughts:
Add 1 wedge laughing cow cheese( softened in microwave ) to pudding( mix chocolate pudding as directed whisk in wedge or use light cream cheese 1 tablespoon whisk well .. I
Use little square containers and just got Popsicle molds to add pudding mixture too freeze and enjoy its kinda like chocolate cheesecake ice cream .
 Another tasty treat no photos yet sorry... Is for left over cauliflower mash
And your Mac and cheese mf meal.. Make
Mf as directed.. Then and 1/2 cup of cauliflower mash to it mi well add a little shredded cheese pour into a ramkin or 10 oz baking dish and bake until
Cheese is melty you
Also add a round of laughing cow baby bel cheese light.. Too. Just chop it up.. Bake until melty..

Also get a portebello mushroom cap or two brush with a little balsamic vinegarette dressing bake in oven until heated through  at 375 don't burn .. Mix half cup egg beaters with a sprinkle of shredded 
Cheddar .. Sautée up a little onion garlic mushroom pepper and add a little spinach or
What ever you
want ... the key is chop up tiny .. To a raw amount of half a cup.. add a little tomato if you want.. Chop fine .. Sautée up add veggies to cheese and egg mixture season.. I use Greek
Seasoning..I also add a little morning star farms spicy Italian sausage patty to finish lean off  Stuff mushroom cap.. Sprinkle a little more cheese serve with one cup green and you  have a good meal  there is ample stuffing so overstuff .. It's very filling ..
 Love some fresh peppers

Saturday, September 14, 2013


I love to Peruse the see what others are up too.. Get recipe ideas. and tips to keep me motivated..
I also find it interesting when people talk about pushing the limits of MF or having a cheat day. My question is... What is that persons mindset??? me MF is not a diet. But a tool to get to where I am going that is teaching me how to eat whole and healthy along the way... I. E. our L&G meals...eventually leaving me with the knowledge to maintain what I have achieved...that's my perspective.. 
I don't understand why you would invest all of this time and money in yourself and not want to get everything you possibly can get from the tools provided.. Seems there are folks who want to play the system rather than follow the  guidelines to reach a goal... I guess I am being a bit harsh and judgmental ... I just have a hard time understanding that... I guess it all boils down to how you view your journey.. 4 seconds of taste vs LIFE or for now ..A LIFELONG GOAL to be at a healthy weight and maintain it... At least that's MY take on MF.
I know it's not easy.. I fight the battle everyday being in the food business. I just think that while on the 5 and 1 you really must be true to yourself to get the best benefit... 

the only issue I get into is some times I accidently over do the condiments so I really have to be tight on that... ... and I too have to get out of the I can not have this.. or is not OP... I must work on....  My self talk still...Honi -this is my choice.. and simply  say no thank you.... I get a lot of.. hey ... will you ever be able to eat normal again??? or you are going to be so screwed when you get off your program... ?? 
Wwell.. here is my reality .. MF will be a part of my life in some form for the rest of my life.. I will probably use the bars , puddings , pancakes and a few other things as meal replacements and snacks... ( my local nutritionist thought that to be a good idea for lunch and snacks and to incorporate that into a healthy food plan... ) ..does that mean I will never eat a bite of ice cream or cake or pizza again.. absolutely not..I am sure for a special occassion or an occasional treat I will indulge... what it means.. is that if I choose to indulge... I will have to do a couple things... Up my exercise, up my water, and watch the carbs for a few days... but those events are well after my  goal is reached ..and I am learning plans for those times... So I still have a lot to do... to me there are no gaps where I can have a cheat day or cheat meal... During the weight loss phase of MF ... there is no such thing... Being in the kitchen and learning new recipes to be inventive and creative to me is theraputic in my learning to be healthier .. so needing those "cheat meals is not an option .. At least for me...

Stepping off soapbox now...

Wednesday, September 11, 2013


WELL  I survived ... I knew I would ... I really had No desire to eat what was there it was just the idea that I  did not have the option to do what I wanted to do..  wait let me rephrase... I guess what I mean is.. since I had CHOSEN not EAT those things it was my decision ... however I knew the  reprecussion of my actions would be  unfair to me... Last year I never thought of those things... I grabbed 3 or 4 slices of pizza, I ate cake, and muffins, I ate chips and anything else that  struck my fancy ...NOW the axis is different.... and I really am okay with it.... today was much easier.. not sure exactly why but it was...

Okay  thats it for today I am pooped... 

Tuesday, September 10, 2013


This is just to give you an idea of what our shows are like.. This is a holiday show too so it's big.. Down on other aisles you will find  fried chicken, sausage sandwiches, fresh coffee, sodas ( the good thing is that cokes booth is down from ours so I get all the diet coke I want.. If needed. Otherwise it's my water propel zero and bars, pretzels and cereal..  The grease smell looms heavy around us, fried fish, Mac and cheese and a host of processed choices..if I turn around bread pudding is under warming lamps...people walk by with a assortment of sweets or sandwiches munching contently as they order product for their  stores.. Hamburgers.. Pizzas and so forth ...breads hotdogs.. Way down one aisle is produce...apples onions.. Bagged salads...dressings... Then grocery items... Cookies chips, bacon. Chicken ...  Everybody is frying and warming away... And so the day begins... My cooler is loaded and by my side ...I am content but partly is not easy .. I know my path but am so overstimulated from the swirling smells and visuals... I do not crave it or want it is just ...  I miss grabbing mini muffins cookies cakes pizza ...whatever I want... It's a reign on freedom of choice... Of choice choice... My four seconds of taste vs. my life....MY LIFE WINS AGAIN!!!!😀
Where I sit...

Monday, September 9, 2013

MILESTONE REACHED around 50 more to go

25.4 pounds gone forever ... Best advice..look in the mirror at yourself naked this who you want to be....?? If so, than congratulations - if not...then time to take a leap of faith and do something..time does not get on your side until you make a decision to change...until you make a commitment to yourself .. Until you JUMP... 

I had two choices bariatric surgery or TSFL -TAKE SHAPE FOR LIFE a Medifast fueled program.. To learn more please view my coaches page on the tsfl website..

You and only you can decide what will work for you... It will not be easy..  But it will be worth it.. My rule is the 4 second rule.. Ask yourself...  Which is more important 4 seconds of taste or your answer. MY LIFE. I hope that is your answer too..

Sunday, September 8, 2013


Did you know that many unhealthy food choices use the colors red and gold in their packaging or advertising because apparently those colors promote hunger.. Think of McDonald's Wendy's Burger King .. Little Debbie ..Denny's..and that's just a few... Not all junk foods are packaged that way but a great many have those colors... I thought about mfs yellow packaging.... It's a faded yellow does it have the same effect.????.. To me not really... However look at McDonald's bright  colors...or Cheese It's ... Or's kind of a interesting thought .. Was just watching a special on childhood obesity on HBO...

Friday, September 6, 2013

Holidays and a baby

We were blessed to welcome Steve's third grandchild on Tuesday ... a little girl.. She is the first Granddaughter too so it has been a lot of fun...
I survived the Rosh Hashanah lunch yesterday ..I have to say it was hard... Every food I loved .. I peeked at the buffet and saw corn pudding, BBQ chicken wings, sweet and sour meatballs,brisket, jello,green beans ( sugar added I am sure) potatoes, brownies, apple cake, cookies dipped in chocolate, challah , honey and sliced apples..salad  drenched in dressing..and other treats too.including appetizers..... But I focused on family and got through it... 

I thought a lot about the 4 seconds of taste in my mouth and asked myself is that food really worth my won...