TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE and OTHER THINGS..

Before I start writing this... I want you to know this is based purely on observation.. and are entirely my thoughts  perhaps not your truths but what I believe to be true.
 
Accusations are hurtled out like candy being thrown to parade goers with out fact.

In the future get your facts before you go on the attack.

You can never ever know what another individual is going through  you might think you can.. and you might sympathize but you will never know until that very same thing happens to you and only then will you realize the depths of what you did not know..

Listening is being open to another  person's thoughts and opinions no matter how irrational they might seem at the time. Listening is done with out opinion giving unless warranted and wanted at the time.. Listening is quiet simply the act of sitting there with your mouth closed and your brain open to someone else's world..

There are indeed some things you can never fix.

There are indeed some acts that are so reprehensible they can never be forgiven.. nor forgotten.

Life is not singularly about you.  You are in the world with all types of people.

It is too late when the casket is lowered into the ground to say you are sorry or wish you did more ...

Your parents are human.. they are fragile imperfect and awkward at times..  just like you.

 Realize that every action has a consequence  good or bad...

There are some things that will follow you until the day you vacate this planet...
These things will define you as human.. make sure they are things you can be proud of... and if not at least try and do better before your clock runs out.

Knowing when to let go.. is important... Children have to fall so they can learn to walk on their own...

Do your best to live with out regret.

Let the negative people go... and let the positive people in.

Surround yourself with encouragers and builders ... lose the people who criticize your every move... Shed those who weigh your heart and inspiration down..  Bring into your life those who lift you up , in mind and spirit.  Be with those who have faith in you..

Life is incredibly short... Your clock will run out...
Live a life of meaning... of good health... of encouragement for yourself and others.
Spread compassion and happiness  ..

Try to see the best in others... even in the darkest of times.

Looking around... Stepping off of Soapbox and sharing my good news of the day ..



TODAY I LOST..

Actually  since  July 8 2013

20 DOZEN EGGS












4 GALLONS OF WATER
                                                       
                                                          
THIS FISH


A LITTLE BIT MORE THAN 10 CANS OF CRISCO





Near the end of June  I weighed 205.8 pounds
Today I weigh 174.6 pounds... I HAVE LOST 31.2 POUNDS...
I am 5.7 pounds from my half way mark OF  36.9 POUNDS ..
I have 42.6 pounds to go as of today . 
Still quiet a hill to climb... but I am doing it..
There are a lot of folks ashamed of their numbers... Today I am not one of those people... I have come a long way...
Still long to go... but I will get there... soon...

THE WEIGHT OF THINKING

Make no mistake I love my life..I could not ask for a more perfect husband...and delightful unobstructed  life..

Sometimes I invision myself as a healthy normal weight person and I wonder had that been my lot..what would my life have been like?   Would I still be the person I am?  Would I still live here??? Would I be famous for something?? Would I be happy?? Or just another middle age woman struggling to find her place still in a world of abject perfection?? Would I have married younger??? Would I have married at a reasonable age??? Would I be a mom? What would have been different??? Wellll since we do not live in parallel universes I can't pop my head through a worm hole and peek at a different life...but I do wonder had I not traveled this road what road would I have discovered...

I like the road I am now.. It's nice to be over 50 and still be so self aware of change and still enjoy discovering new things about myself... Like I actually have hip bones..and a collar bone...and real knees...I have a chin..not twelve of them... Nearly 30 pounds later I am still on discovery mode...while 44 pounds are still left to climb and pull through its nice to know I am still me, As I discover my physical self..

While I am still not good at Shopping I am enjoying the changes...

Along with that change I am also discovering that working on my life has a cost in what people think of me.. Some people  think I am not paying enough attention to them...that I am too self involved.. That I am too caught up in my life and not doing right by others..I can not control others opinions of me.. I can only control my thoughts ..my hopes...my life.. Perhaps with weight loss comes a certain amount of selfishness..people are used to the fat me..and the old availability always ready for their life but forgetting mine...Maybe this new found selfishness is wrong .. I don't know?? Maybe it is the key to better health... If I had lived a thin life would I have been more selfish along the way??? How would people have looked at me then????

I don't know.. no worm hole...

Make no mistake.. I love my life but I am also discovering that change has many loops and turns....

PROGRESS

What exactly is progress????  Is it the 29.4 pounds I have lost so far...the 44.4 I have to go???

Is progress the pounds you loss on a scale?   Well  technically ...yes.. But is this the only device we can measure progress by????

If you keep up with your inches... That's a sign of progress too of course...

The way your your clothes fell is a sign as well...

However, these are only physical signs.. What about the deeper signs of progress?

Like the ability to accept you are succeeding..?. 

Are you mentally progressing too??

Are you thinking about transition as each week you get closer to your goal???

Are you learning what you will need to do to start towards maintaining your goal once you get there?

When  you reach goal and then your weight starts coming back .. You must know its because you decided to go back to your worst habits...instead of committing to yourself that it all must change..that to me is the hardest part of this or any assistive weight loss program the reality that you can never go back to morbidly obese or obese land .. And the only way to control this is to change permanently your thought processes about food.. It dogs not mean you can not eat again.. It means you just have to think about it... The reality is...you will never be a free eater...no healthy person is... Healthy  more fit people.. Exercise .. Chose what  they eat.. Indulge occasionally ..and they pay attention to how they fuel their bodies...

I have learned this via TSFL.. OF course I really knew this because it is common sense as well.

I pray every day for strength through out this journey.. Because I don't want to go down this path another time...I want to build walls with each pound I lose..walls of integrity..and strength..that there is no turning back only moving forward.. And no matter what triumph or tragedy comes my way .. That food is not the prize or blanket to fix any sadness or perpetuate any joy... I live in a food culture both by my livelihood and faith....so learning to adapt to these lifelong challenges will be my task to work through... One I have no doubt I will master for the alternative just does not work any more...

Comparison photo July to September 2013 26.8 pounds

BEAUTIFUL and RANDOM..

I HAVE NEVER BEEN BEAUTIFUL... granted your eyes won't melt when you look at me...you won't run screaming from the room or anything.... I  but I have never felt BEAUTIFUL...  and that is okay...  I am lacking the shopping gene... but I am also okay with that too... I listen to women I consider beautiful and I am amazed at how actually messed up they are on the inside... I am thankful I do not have that angst to deal with ... 
Always worried about fitting in a certain size, worried if their face does not look a certain way... or the grey is showing....
I have grey all around my face now... and it blends nicely with the natural color of my hair..  sure I cringe  at the  wrinkles that furrow my brow... but I guess I have earned them... I don't strive for perfection just the best that I can be...  make no mistake I care how I look..  I just do not let it rule my life... 

I people watch  all the time... I watch how thin people eat... ( I stalk thin people LOL) .. 
I also listen to people tell me their weight loss stories... 

An experience from yesterday :

At my appointment I chatted with a nurse seems she had gastric bypass surgery in 2009  she had lost 100 pounds... now she has gained back 40.. she blames it on the regular Cokes ... because like she said she only can eat a half of a whopper jr.... WTF???? excuse my language but did anyone read what I just typed.... she is a darling lady and I am sure she has to have some type of smarts to be a nurse.. but did she really just tell me that... ?? totally crazy... I mean if you are going to put your body through a surgery to help you lose weight ... aren't you going to feed/fuel yourself properly  to stay healthy???  she also had a heartache 1 year later at her lowest weight both parents have had heart surgeries... Seems to me after a heart attack I would be a SAINT... she told me she is addicted to COKE to clarify .. the DRINK... .. I suggested switching to diet coke,  she said she would rather drink water or tea... myself and another nurse said good that's a even better choice... I just do not get why do that to yourself if you are not going to fix it.. Look I am no saint I have a long way to go... but.. I am not doing this for fun... I am doing this to get somewhere...I really felt bad for her... but I just do not understand the logic... in my mind if I had had that surgery .. I would have had a small salad and a grilled chicken or something.. whatever amount I could eat... that's healthy fuel... a whopper jr... even half of one is carb city... and its not even really good tasty carbs.. I mean if you are gonna eat that way make it pizza lol.. .make it something rich and eye rolling  hahaha... sigh.....

There is so much I do not understand when it comes to the decisions people make..

I told you I thin people stalk... I also fat people stalk... I watch them... like watched myself... like I watch myself... and I wonder do they ever desire to change... or are they content having to use the scooter at the store... toddling along instead of walking one foot in front of the other... struggling to breath... maybe even using oxygen to help.. 

Its nice when you realize you can change... and life can get better... I dont want to tell you all the ways life changes.... its an individual thing .. something you need to learn for yourself... 

I don't think I will ever see myself as beautiful... I will however simply enjoy being me..

MORE RECIPE IDEAS

PUDDING POPCICLE  

Chocolate Cheesecake Pudding POP 

wedge of laughing cow plain cream cheese  softened in microwave

one packet chocolate pudding mix  as package says ... pour in to popcicle molds freeze

next day run mold under warm water   pull out popcicle  yum..

next up..  stuffed portebello....   tomatos, 

peppers, garlic onion  sauted  and then added on spicy morning star farms   sausage patty  chopped up.. sprinkled a little cheese  and 2 tablespoons eggbeaters....  mixed well...

baked portebello cap in oven for a few minutes added mixtured topped with a sprinkle of cheese  bakd at 375 for 25 minutes ..  watch so it does not burn... yum...

RECIPE QUICKIES

Pudding thoughts:

Add 1 wedge laughing cow cheese( softened in microwave ) to pudding( mix chocolate pudding as directed whisk in wedge or use light cream cheese 1 tablespoon whisk well .. I

Use little square containers and just got Popsicle molds to add pudding mixture too freeze and enjoy its kinda like chocolate cheesecake ice cream .

 Another tasty treat no photos yet sorry... Is for left over cauliflower mash

And your Mac and cheese mf meal.. Make

Mf as directed.. Then and 1/2 cup of cauliflower mash to it mi well add a little shredded cheese pour into a ramkin or 10 oz baking dish and bake until

Cheese is melty you

Can

Also add a round of laughing cow baby bel cheese light.. Too. Just chop it up.. Bake until melty..

Also get a portebello mushroom cap or two brush with a little balsamic vinegarette dressing bake in oven until heated through  at 375 don't burn .. Mix half cup egg beaters with a sprinkle of shredded 

Cheddar .. Sautée up a little onion garlic mushroom pepper and add a little spinach or

What ever you

want ... the key is chop up tiny .. To a raw amount of half a cup.. add a little tomato if you want.. Chop fine .. Sautée up add veggies to cheese and egg mixture season.. I use Greek

Seasoning..I also add a little morning star farms spicy Italian sausage patty to finish lean off  Stuff mushroom cap.. Sprinkle a little more cheese serve with one cup green and you  have a good meal  there is ample stuffing so overstuff .. It's very filling ..

 Love some fresh peppers