Tuesday, August 13, 2013


So today was the day ... I found myself telling all the techs and nurses and doctors who were getting my health history about my success with TSFL/MF..  and how I am on a good path now... and how 20 pounds as really helped things.. except my pants are totally not fitting right... ( we will get to that later) I did not put that in my health history :-) that my pants don't fit right LOL..
SOO  the echo was first .. and since I am in full fibro flare .. this was not fun.. a innocuous test like a  echo.. where you lie on a table and a wand is rubbed on you that has gel on it.. .HURTS....  YOUUUU  have no idea.... it was rough.. I had to lay half on my side.. my chest and rib cage are really flaming today  and guess where that  little   wand went... right for the ribs under the boobs.. and she had to press deep ... I was sweating by the time she was done... it was that painful.. No tears at least..  because of the pain I started feeling draggy... and remember I had not had any food or water at that point either so I was not  happy..
Next came the Nuclear Stress Test .. the tech  and doctor wanted me to go the chemical route rather than  do the treadmill.. because of my flair in my ankle..  I was braced up... the doctor was comfortable with that.. and he said lets give it a try .. if you can not do the treadmill we will do the chemical.. and I was happy with that compromise.. I DID NOT  want TO DO THE CHEMICAL STRESS TEST..    
So the needle lady came in... got my IV in she had to find a vein since mine were apparently playing hide and go seek....  once that was accomplished and the line was flushed with saline..  They put the leads on and wired me up.. and up on the treadmill I went..  IT WAS NOT EASY but I knocked out 7 minutes of incline and fast walking.. The tech and nurse were pleased I did so well.. he said most folks do not get how to walk on a treadmill and I did great .. as it was nearing the end and I was on a steep grade  ..  they injected the stuff in me that lights up your heart..  a little bit more time went by the  treadmill went up.. I was getting worn out a bit... and I said have I at least reached 4 minutes yet..they laughed and said I only had 20 more seconds left... oh and I hated that darn blood pressure cuff on my arm the whole time.. every 3 minutes it would take my bp .. and it hurt like all get out...  WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF FIBRO...  so.. got done with that ate a MF meal.. and drank water finally and went to wait on my photos 20 minutes laying on a skinny metal thing with a cushion at least.. was not very comfortable.. go the first round of photos done.. and had to wait in a room with some other folks and chatted a bit.. the tech came in said I could go.. the photos were good... and they took the iv lead out.. and away I went... no sooner do I get to the lobby and I start itching  they left 4 lead patches on me in case they had to do more monitoring and forgot to take them off... once the patches were off the itching stopped... So glad that is over..
I keep thinking to myself I want to do my momma proud.. you see.. on July 15th 2008 my mom died on the operating table  at the same hospital I was at .. today.. it was unforeseen .. she had had her first AVR  ( aortic valve replacement)   about 18 years prior and it was leaking so she had to have another replacement... All the family was there.. and we were so sure she would be fine.. my mom meanwhile was saying goodbye to everyone she knew.. and people just poo pooed her and told her she would be fine... my mom said she was done.. said no one really needed her anymore..  ( I knew she missed my dad who had been killed in a car wreck about 7 years prior) now that I was married (I had gotten married 8 months prior to her death) .. of course we all assured her that was not true...
We were in the holding room with her and right before she went into the operating room she had asked for something to help her relax she asked all of us to please take care of our hearts... we had been singing songs.. and talking with her...  ... finally she as wheeled into surgery.. with in 30 minutes they brought us to the family room... YES THAT FAMILY ROOM... they did their usual shpiel that  things were not looking good... came out again... its really bad.. and the third time she was gone.. we were shocked  the night before the surgeon had said she had a better than 85 % of recovery...  my cousin fainted .. it was a crazy place... they asked us if we wanted to see her.. I said no.. because I remember what mom had told me when she saw her own mother dead... it was not a good experience for her.. and I did not want that to be my last memory of her..
Consequently my last memory is of her telling us to take care of our hearts... when I gave one of her eulogies I told  everyone what she had said.. and I closed after that comment with my own statement of"  and while take care of your physical heart.. be sure and take care of the heart that surrounds you.. the heart of love.. the people around you who love you.. nurture that one too..
   It was a rough time... indeed...  I exited that family room as fast as I could.. I needed to get outside in the courtyard and that's where I went... everyone eventually joined me.. and the phone calls started.. the same ones I had to make with my then boyfriend now husband.. when my dad was killed.. and my mother was in the hospital too ( she had been in the wreck and suffered injuries)  not knowing dad was dead yet.. we were trying to wait for more family to get there.. before we told her about dad... I was the one who had to tell my mom about my dad.. as I told many people that day.. the odd thing for me .. right when I lost my dad.. I had  lost 30 pounds... had a new outfit on we were all suppose to meet for dinner that night  I was suppose to sing in a concert the next night and my folks and everyone was suppose to be there... .. instead we were at a hospital 40 miles from home.. and I was making  THOSE phone calls... needless to say .. I gained all that weight back and more... and that outfit.. I  took it off and threw it in the garbage when I got home...
Making THOSE phone calls for my mom was just reliving what I had done 7 years prior only the immediate family was present..   My mother died because when they went to open her up.. scar tissue had adhered to her breast bone..  and literally disintegrated and caused the aorta to disintegrate too.. not even 5 minutes into the procedure... there was no way to know about the scar tissue 5 years ago..  I have heard now they can  see that ... reality with my mom was.. that had she not left this planet that way .. she could have had a massive heart attack while was driving or been home alone... at least she went out with a great send off... and love around her... who could ask for more .. right??? 
My point in sharing all that is that in all those years between my dads death... my moms death  I have made half assed attempts at losing weight and keeping it off...  and I am not sure exactly what makes this time any different..
Maybe I am scared of my own mortality .. maybe I finally am taking care of my heart.. and God willing have not done damage to it already because of being morbidly obese or obese..
In the waiting room prior to my tests today I looked around at all the Obese people  and yes there were MANY in the cardiographics area...   all waiting for various tests... I saw tremendous ankles.. and I thought to myself how much their bones must ache.. I saw people who barely fit in their chairs.. and who simply looked uncomfortable sitting there.. I looked around at the older folks.. and the younger folks of various sizes.. I saw kids unwrapping danishs as big as their faces and eating them.. ( they were waiting on grandparents back in testing of course...   I saw a gentleman take off his prosthetic leg in the waiting room ... that kinda creeped me out  a little  at first but I thought to myself well.. at least he is comfortable..
 I saw people struggling to walk with canes and walkers to help them..  Most of them were not OLD .. they were middle age and morbidly obese..   and it was at that point I thought here is my difference.. is this what I want my destiny to be..???. granted we can do whatever we can to prevent  heart  issues.. like lose weight and get healthy.. sometimes things just happen which are out of our control I know all that.. but if I continued on my old path.. well.. sooner or later I would be the one walking with the walker.. I would be a  morbidly obese statistic.. and  I do not want that .. So maybe this time .. nooooo.. THIS TIME IS A KEEPER..
Here is something else I noticed in the area where they did your stress test and pictures.. after your test they offer you snacks... and I heard nothing nutritious like a banana or apple.. or celery and pb.. even a graham cracker and pb would have been a better choice.. no.. it was all cookies.. and water and I think regular sodas.. not sure if they offered diet sodas or not..   I was a little surprised myself..  oh well... I was prepared with my own water and own bars and pretzels .. so I was in good shape..

Today was a very observant day..

SO I bet this whole time you wanted to know about the darn pants...  well my pants now fit weird.. many I have bagged up to donate.. but the ones I am able to wear.. ( now in the bag to donate)  seem to fit in the hips and butt  but look like clown pants in the legs and waist..  so I started wearing the elastic ( mom jeans) waist jeans again.. because the legs are more straight.. .  in a little bit I am going to try and find.. jeans  in a short ( they are so hard to find  I hate getting average length jeans .. ) with a straighter leg.. hoping that resolves the clown pants effect.....

Have a great day!

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