So today was the day ... I found
myself telling all the techs and nurses and doctors who were getting my health
history about my success with TSFL/MF.. and how I am on a good path now... and
how 20 pounds as really helped things.. except my pants are totally not fitting
right... ( we will get to that later) I did not put that in my health history
:-) that my pants don't fit right LOL..
SOO the echo was first .. and since I am in full
fibro flare .. this was not fun.. a innocuous test like a echo.. where you lie
on a table and a wand is rubbed on you that has gel on it.. .HURTS.... YOUUUU
have no idea.... it was rough.. I had to lay half on my side.. my chest and rib
cage are really flaming today and guess where that little wand went... right
for the ribs under the boobs.. and she had to press deep ... I was sweating by
the time she was done... it was that painful.. No tears at least.. because of
the pain I started feeling draggy... and remember I had not had any food or
water at that point either so I was not happy..
Next came the Nuclear Stress Test .. the tech and
doctor wanted me to go the chemical route rather than do the treadmill..
because of my flair in my ankle.. I was braced up... the doctor was comfortable
with that.. and he said lets give it a try .. if you can not do the treadmill we
will do the chemical.. and I was happy with that compromise.. I DID NOT want TO DO
THE CHEMICAL STRESS TEST..
So the needle lady came in... got my
IV in she had to find a vein since mine were apparently playing hide and go
seek.... once that was accomplished and the line was flushed with saline..
They put the leads on and wired me up.. and up on the treadmill I went.. IT WAS
NOT EASY but I knocked out 7 minutes of incline and fast walking.. The tech and
nurse were pleased I did so well.. he said most folks do not get how to walk on
a treadmill and I did great .. as it was nearing the end and I was on a steep
grade .. they injected the stuff in me that lights up your heart.. a little
bit more time went by the treadmill went up.. I was getting worn out a bit...
and I said have I at least reached 4 minutes yet..they laughed and said I only
had 20 more seconds left... oh and I hated that darn blood pressure cuff on my
arm the whole time.. every 3 minutes it would take my bp .. and it hurt like all
get out... WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF FIBRO... so.. got done with that ate a MF
meal.. and drank water finally and went to wait on my photos 20 minutes laying
on a skinny metal thing with a cushion at least.. was not very comfortable.. go
the first round of photos done.. and had to wait in a room with some other folks
and chatted a bit.. the tech came in said I could go.. the photos were good...
and they took the iv lead out.. and away I went... no sooner do I get to the
lobby and I start itching they left 4 lead patches on me in case they had to do
more monitoring and forgot to take them off... once the patches were off the
itching stopped... So glad that is over..
I keep thinking to myself I want to
do my momma proud.. you see.. on July 15th 2008 my mom died on the operating
table at the same hospital I was at .. today.. it was unforeseen .. she had had
her first AVR ( aortic valve replacement) about 18 years prior and it was
leaking so she had to have another replacement... All the family was there.. and
we were so sure she would be fine.. my mom meanwhile was saying goodbye to
everyone she knew.. and people just poo pooed her and told her she would be
fine... my mom said she was done.. said no one really needed her anymore.. ( I
knew she missed my dad who had been killed in a car wreck about 7 years prior)
now that I was married (I had gotten married 8 months prior to her death) .. of
course we all assured her that was not true...
We were in the holding room
with her and right before she went into the operating room she had asked for
something to help her relax she asked all of us to please take care of our
hearts... we had been singing songs.. and talking with her... ... finally she
as wheeled into surgery.. with in 30 minutes they brought us to the family
room... YES THAT FAMILY ROOM... they did their usual shpiel that things were
not looking good... came out again... its really bad.. and the third time she
was gone.. we were shocked the night before the surgeon had said she had a
better than 85 % of recovery... my cousin fainted .. it was a crazy place...
they asked us if we wanted to see her.. I said no.. because I remember what mom
had told me when she saw her own mother dead... it was not a good experience for
her.. and I did not want that to be my last memory of her..
Consequently my last memory is of her telling us to
take care of our hearts... when I gave one of her eulogies I told everyone what
she had said.. and I closed after that comment with my own statement of" and
while take care of your physical heart.. be sure and take care of the heart that
surrounds you.. the heart of love.. the people around you who love you.. nurture
that one too..
It was a rough time...
indeed... I exited that family room as fast as I could.. I needed to get
outside in the courtyard and that's where I went... everyone eventually joined
me.. and the phone calls started.. the same ones I had to make with my then
boyfriend now husband.. when my dad was killed.. and my mother was in the
hospital too ( she had been in the wreck and suffered injuries) not knowing dad
was dead yet.. we were trying to wait for more family to get there.. before we
told her about dad... I was the one who had to tell my mom about my dad.. as I
told many people that day.. the odd thing for me .. right when I lost my dad.. I
had lost 30 pounds... had a new outfit on we were all suppose to meet for
dinner that night I was suppose to sing in a concert the next night and my
folks and everyone was suppose to be there... .. instead we were at a hospital
40 miles from home.. and I was making THOSE phone calls... needless to say .. I
gained all that weight back and more... and that outfit.. I took it off and
threw it in the garbage when I got home...
Making THOSE phone calls for my
mom was just reliving what I had done 7 years prior only the immediate family
was present.. My mother died because when they went to open her up.. scar
tissue had adhered to her breast bone.. and literally disintegrated and caused
the aorta to disintegrate too.. not even 5 minutes into the procedure... there
was no way to know about the scar tissue 5 years ago.. I have heard now
they can see that ... reality with my mom was.. that had she not left this
planet that way .. she could have had a massive heart attack while was driving
or been home alone... at least she went out with a great send off... and love
around her... who could ask for more .. right???
My point in sharing all that is that in all those
years between my dads death... my moms death I have made half assed attempts at
losing weight and keeping it off... and I am not sure exactly what makes this
time any different..
Maybe I am scared of my own mortality
.. maybe I finally am taking care of my heart.. and God willing have not done
damage to it already because of being morbidly obese or obese..
In the waiting room prior to my tests today I
looked around at all the Obese people and yes there were MANY in the
cardiographics area... all waiting for various tests... I saw tremendous
ankles.. and I thought to myself how much their bones must ache.. I saw people
who barely fit in their chairs.. and who simply looked uncomfortable sitting
there.. I looked around at the older folks.. and the younger folks of various
sizes.. I saw kids unwrapping danishs as big as their faces and eating them.. (
they were waiting on grandparents back in testing of course... I saw a
gentleman take off his prosthetic leg in the waiting room ... that kinda creeped
me out a little at first but I thought to myself well.. at least he is
comfortable..
I saw people struggling to walk with canes and
walkers to help them.. Most of them were not OLD .. they were middle age and
morbidly obese.. and it was at that point I thought here is my difference.. is
this what I want my destiny to be..???. granted we can do whatever we can to
prevent heart issues.. like lose weight and get healthy.. sometimes things
just happen which are out of our control I know all that.. but if I continued on
my old path.. well.. sooner or later I would be the one walking with the
walker.. I would be a morbidly obese statistic.. and I do not want that .. So
maybe this time .. nooooo.. THIS TIME IS A KEEPER..
Here is something else I noticed in the area where
they did your stress test and pictures.. after your test they offer you
snacks... and I heard nothing nutritious like a banana or apple.. or celery and
pb.. even a graham cracker and pb would have been a better choice.. no.. it was
all cookies.. and water and I think regular sodas.. not sure if they offered
diet sodas or not.. I was a little surprised myself.. oh well... I was
prepared with my own water and own bars and pretzels .. so I was in good shape..
Today was a very observant
day..
SO I bet this whole time you wanted
to know about the darn pants... well my pants now fit weird.. many I have
bagged up to donate.. but the ones I am able to wear.. ( now in the bag to
donate) seem to fit in the hips and butt but look like clown pants in the legs
and waist.. so I started wearing the elastic ( mom jeans) waist jeans again..
because the legs are more straight.. . in a little bit I am going to try and
find.. jeans in a short ( they are so hard to find I hate getting average
length jeans .. ) with a straighter leg.. hoping that resolves the clown pants
effect.....
Have a great day!
No comments:
Post a Comment