Faith, ??? what exactly is Faith.... ???? for most of us it is the
foundation of who we are... for my Christian Friends its their faith in God
and Jesus and I believe, in themselves to reach that high mountain... and to
accomplish the one thing that has followed them for xxx amount of
years..
For me my faith is found in myself ( which is new .. very new and
very shaky) and my religion too... I am Jewish.. and on September 5th the
beginning of our holiest days start... The time between Rosh Hashanah ( Jewish
New Year ) and Yom Kippur ( holiest day and day of atonement) is a period we
use ( or some of us use) as a time of reflection .. what did we accomplish this
past year... how did we treat people... how did we behave etc... are our lives
just mere reflections of last year littered with empty resolutions and
battling the same issues as before ...??
I am proud to say that for me this holiday time will be used as a
period of reflection on my accomplishments and where I need to go.. and how I
need to get there... that has not happened in ... possibly my adult life... with
depth and seriousness at least... I find it hard to believe that since the
beginning of July to now I have lost unofficially ( official Monday ) 26.6
pounds... and so much in my is changing not just on the exterior but the
interior as well.. Now I realize that really is not a lot of weight at all.. I
still have around 50 pounds to lose.. so I have a very big .. HUGE MTN to
navigate still... but each day I get a grip and climb higher...
I found that each day I pray to God .. simply asking for guidance
and strength along the way... I also rely HEAVLY on my support team.. My coach,
my family and few close friends.. My husband more than anyone is my greatest
life support... I can tell him anything... ( like backing into the grill he
loves which by the by the grill is fine... ) .. He listens to me when I talk
about my struggles... and considering that we are in the food business he has
been very sensitive to my needs.. and my goals and hopes.. and the reason he
really gets it.. is because he is Diabetic and his life had to change last year
about this time... over the past year he has lost about 25 pounds... the last
five just following me on the 5 and 1 .. sharing our lean and green meal
together.. he still eats what he wants otherwise... I am so proud of him as he
is of me... so it is so helpful..
Faith in myself well that's another story... see ... that the hard
part.. its hard for me to take that leap because I wait for myself to
fail.
I have these awful dreams of gorging on food... the last one was
about pies.. meringue pies I can remember eating the meringue in my dreams and
it tasting like nothingness... and I was shoveling it my mouth.. people were all
around me ... but it was as if they were in the distance.. andI just kept eating
and then I woke up.... the other dreams are similar in nature...
I know this is something that I must work on and change.. I must have
faith in myself... and not rely so much on what my husband thinks or others...
the fact is .. I live in me.. and I have to believe in me.. that I can attain
anything... that I can achieve what was once unachievable in my mind... that's
what I will be working on over the next couple of weeks...
To build my faith in me...
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