Thursday, July 25, 2013


So I  had a rough day.. I got on the scale.. and I was square at 193 .. twice... I was hoping for movement on the scale after 3 days ... Monday is the official weigh in so hopefully I will lose something between now and then.. I decided to do a leslie sansone  walk.. did a mile this morning first real exercise I have done OP.. I am still planning on going back to the pool too... I want this so much..

I was also rattled a little .. my doc called me at 730 .. the holter monitor results came in and  showed nothing major at all... however to complete the study they are doing a echo and nuclear stress test.. the doctor feels confident we will put this all to bed after these tests.. and not have to worry ... he thinks  things are fine but wants to really check the structure of my heart..  so I am a little on edge about that..

After I did the walk today I cried.. because I am just so mad at myself... mad that I allowed myself to do this to me ... mad that my body suffers because of my weaknesses.. mad  that my ankles are messed up.. mad mad mad... there I am MAD... SOO I guess the next step is to take the MAD the ANGER and turn it into POSITIVE ENERGY TO WORK MY WAY TO MORE SUCCESS... I know I am in no danger of a binge or anything.. I just am letting myself be mad.. and its waning back.. and its okay... to be MAD.

I can not change the past only create the future...

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